What do you bring to the table?  When you sit down for a family dinner, are you counting your blessings and being thankful? Are you serving food that is healthy for mind and body? Are you filling up glasses with words of wisdom and encouragement? As we celebrate the holidays and break bread together, we may come to dinner with our best wishes and censor our conversations.  But, what do you really bring to the table all the other days of the year?

          When we sit down to eat together with our family remember we are not only setting the table but also setting the tone for those family members to live their lives that day.  Ideally, we should all be able to push away from the table at the end of a meal feeling not only full, but that LIFE is GOOD!

          Opportunities to communicate are often associated with times we eat or drink together. Your words are one of your most powerful tools. Are your words being helpful or harmful to those around you?  How you choose to use them can have significant consequences.

          Words can be a source of support and encouragement or they can harm and haunt you.  Sounds dramatic I know, but we have all heard the old children’s rhyme “Stick and stones may break my bones.  But words will never hurt me!” That is so untrue, because most of us do have searing memories of words spoken to us that have had a lasting impact and influence in a negative way in our lifetime.  

          Words become food for our brain. They can nurture and help your brain to grow and function normally or they can be used as cognitive, emotional or social weapons against healthy brain development.

          It’s the popular analogy of the glass half full or half empty at the table, think honestly about your own natural thinking style and predominant attitude because that will be reflected in the words you choose to use in conversations.  Are you usually positive and kind or are you generally negative and critical? That may be the message that you send out to your spouse, children, friends and colleagues each day when you communicate with them.

          So, what are you serving up today? Are you providing a well-balanced diet or are you sending mixed messages?  Are your words kind, polite, truthful, hopeful, helpful, humorous, trusting, empathetic, encouraging and loving?  Or are they cutting, rude, unreliable, hopeless, unsupportive, inappropriate, unreliable, insensitive, threatening or cruel? You’ve got the idea it is all about attitude, intent and your own mindset.  

          Teach your children well!  We all want to believe that we have communicated appropriate views and values to our children so that they will grow up to be responsible, respectful, caring and productive human beings. As a parent you are their first and most influential role model.  Remember the power of your words speaks volumes about the kind of person you are and what you believe in.

          Children also pick up on and internalize how relationships are communicated within the home through the words and conversations they hear.  As they witness and participate in family conversations, they are practicing using their own words to communicate and are learning patterns of behavior at the same time.

          Talk with your children and remember to listen carefully to their words, too! They need to have opportunities to learn how to effectively use this powerful tool.  Shared communication will help maintain a better relationship between parent and child in good times and bad.

          Show that you care about others by what you say and do.  You are filling up their glasses and modeling positive behaviors for your children.  You are teaching them every day what kind of adult you want them to become. Children learn many things about their world from the words their parents choose to use.  Ideas and actions like acceptance and respect or intolerance and racism can be learned at a young age. So be the person that you want your children to be. Give your children positive experiences so that they will carry good memories of you with them for life.

          Negative thinking is counterproductive and self-defeating.  Negative words do not build self-esteem, acknowledge accomplishments and effort, show empathy or encourage children to learn from their mistakes.  Sometimes you must work hard to enjoy the people around you and to be positive, thankful and kind but it feels good and it is worth it. Positive thinkers tend to be more resilient because they approach new challenges with optimism.

          We have all had it happen to us when you are having a great day, and someone says something that sabotages your good mood and steals that joy for life right out of you!  As adults we usually pass it off and try hard to regain our emotional equilibrium, but our level of positive thinking has been compromised and may not return for some time.  

          Consider the emotional and social well-being of a young child or maturing teenager put at risk when they must consistently endure pessimism, anger or hopelessness within their home and family life for years, when their coping skills and resilience have not yet fully developed.

          When seedlings or a sapling struggle to grow usually it is because they have needed more sun, water or nutrients. When plants and trees grow strong, thrive and blossom it is because they have been nurtured well. Words can be powerful. They can nurture our family members and especially our children.

          I know that there have been times that I have not been proud of my own words, attitudes or behaviors when I have been with my family, but it is the tone that you set over time that really affects our children. Being a caring, confident and assertive parent teaches our children that they can expect good things to happen when they take control of their own life rather than letting life always control them.

          The emotional climate of a home is so important.  Positive thinking sets the tone and leads the way for other effective parenting skills.  It sets the stage for interactions and communications and not just around the dinner table.

          When children are given the gift of a positive attitude, they are much better prepared to live a good life and they will be more likely to practice responsible, positive parenting with their own children in the future.

          No one is going to always serve the perfect meal for their family, but we do need to provide food that is healthy for mind and body.  When I am communicating with my own adult children whether it be in person or through phone calls, texts, emails or video time, I still try to choose my words carefully so that they will be positive, constructive and nurturing.  As a parent I may not be setting the table as often, but I am still setting the tone for positive relationships and thankfulness within my family because this will always be my role and responsibility.  Yes, LIFE is GOOD!

THANK YOU for joining me.

Karen

 

Does a child really need a hero?  If you consider the content of children’s literature, movies, toys and games, heroes obviously play a prominent role. Brave, strong and smart characters abound in children’s make-believe worlds.  But, what about in the real world?  The recognition and adoration of famous and everyday heroes is always making the news and gaining people’s attention.

 

A hero is defined as a person who has shown good character, been courageous, has special qualities or has achieved something that is considered extraordinary. Heroes are perceived by many as being role models and someone to look up to or emulate.

 

Heroes help kids understand the world around them.  Every country has their own list of recognized heroes.  Here in Canada people like Terry Fox, Chris Hadfield, Viola Desmond, Judy Payette, Wayne Gretzky and Rick Hanson would make the list.

 

When children learn about charismatic, courageous and important people and what they accomplished, survived and overcame in their own lives it helps teach them important coping skills that will help them lead happier and more successful lives.

 

But, really who are these people to a young child?  Why can’t you be all those things for your child? Why can’t you instill strong character and values?  Why can’t you inspire them to live meaningful and productive lives?  Why can’t you show them how to overcome adversity and obstacles that they may face in their life’s journey? It is a good thing when a child sees his mom or dad confronting challenges.  Truth is looking back most parents will discover that they have been, perhaps without being celebrated or praised the real unsung heroes in their child’s life!

 

It has been my own personal experience that and others may agree with me when I say you can’t sugar coat life.  I learned to be a stronger and more resilient adult because I had to face difficult times, challenges and loss when I was a child.  Learning to be more positive, patience, compassionate, committed, resourceful and resilient will lead a child towards stronger character development and more stable mental and physical health and wellness.

 

Life is not always going to be a “piece of cake” that is wonderful, kind and fair.  Children will unfortunately be dealt bad cards or receive lemons and must cope with subsequent challenges.  They will encounter difficult people and suffer disappointment, loss and adversity.  That is part of life!

 

Being around others who are experiencing difficult times can be a very powerful and influential learning experience. Children who are too sheltered from life’s realities may find it harder to cope with adversity as adults.

 

Participating in those defining moments within their family’s life like a move, job loss, an unexpected illness or injury, losing a friend, failing a test, getting a bad grade, having a poor performance, caring for an aging relative, the death of a pet, a missed opportunity, winning or losing can all be valuable learning experience and help prepare them for their own future life.

 

Don’t underestimate the significant role model you play as a parent. You can be your child’s biggest hero!  It may be difficult and demanding at times.  But, it is often the little daily things that best show your good character, courage and special skills!  Remember your children are watching and learning and YES, they do need a HERO like YOU!

THANK YOU for joining me!

Karen

Why would twelve teenage Thai soccer teammates follow their young coach deep into a cave that locals had warned was not a safe place to go? Exploring past signs that warned people not to enter the cave especially during the rainy season.  For most parents this sets off alarm bells regarding our own children’s well-being and their ability to make necessary and important life decisions.  Questions are being asked within many families following this recent epic global event and near tragedy about whether my child is a leader or a follower? When faced with uncertainty, peer pressure and possibly a charismatic leader what would they do?

As children grow up and experience life most parents observe whether a son or daughter has a tendency toward being a leader or a follower.  Clinical psychologists suggest that children can be a mixture of both and that these personality traits are influenced by both genetics and the environment.  Parents should be careful not to be judgmental towards either social and emotional tendency in their own children because we need both good leaders and good followers in our society.  Most of us are and will be expected to be followers within our families, relationships, work places, religions, communities and many other situations so why not learn to be good at it!

Good followers support and help the leader when he or she is doing the right thing and have the courage to stand up to that leader when they think that they are doing something wrong or headed in the wrong direction.  So why did all those boys keep following their coach into a dangerous situation when they should have known that they were all heading in the wrong direction?

Sometimes it is not easy to stand up to a leader.  It does require confidence, courage and conviction which are ironically also essential skills of good leadership. Being a good follower means being engaged, collaborating, communicating yet at the same time paying attention, thinking for yourself and saying no when something is not right, and a poor choice is being made.

So, what can parents do?  First consider your own leadership style within your family and around your home.  As significant role models in children’s lives we need to model both good leadership and follower behaviors. For instance, an overly dominant parent is not fostering assertiveness in their son or daughter. A family that encourages teamwork is teaching vital life skills.

Teaching your child to be observant and aware, knowledgeable and actively involved in their environment are also critical life skills. Provide children with a variety of experiences so that they can learn and grow.  Show them how decisions can be made and how to solve problems and then encourage some risk taking and let them practice these invaluable life skills. This will increase their self-confidence and independence and teach responsibility, integrity and trust.

It is so important to build self-esteem in your child’s own thoughts, feeling, and opinions. Be encouraging, patient and positive. Keep communicating with your child and ask lots of questions to get them thinking on their own.  So, when faced with a new situation, uncertainty, peer pressure and even a well-meaning yet misinformed charismatic leader you can feel more confident about what your son or daughter will do?

By building up our children’s ability to understand consequences of behaviors, trust and value their own decisions and make good choices for themselves it will increase the chances that they will experience greater success and stay safe in the future.

THANK YOU for joining me!

Karen

References: https://www.workingmother.com/advice-for-parents-of-follower-kids

https://skillizen.com/blog/is-your-child-a-leader-or-follower