I’m still embarrassed to admit and angry with myself for missing the signs that my daughter had vision issues until she was in grade 4! She was always good natured, capable, never complained and managed to adapt and cope until finally school issues began to emerge. Don’t worry she’s fine that was nearly 25 years ago!
While attending another ophthalmologist appointment with her recently it got me thinking, if parents and teachers could miss a child having difficulty seeing in class, it’s not surprising that emerging emotional problems in children may not be recognized and given attention to in a timely and effective way. These issues can ebb and flow or may sometimes be hidden completely from view, like a new moon gone temporarily from the night sky.
Not all children come out of their childhood feeling fine and will navigate through adulthood, like the moon returning and repeating its journey over and over again, with mental illness.
Parents with the best intentions and parenting skills can miss or misinterpret things. We are only human and can quickly slip into our busy routines and not notice the subtle changes in a son or daughter, like the waxing and waning of the moon above our heads.
Don’t ignore the signs! If you observe changes in patterns of behavior and sense that there may be an issue you need to become an advocate for your child. Is their energy and enthusiasm for school and other social activities dwindling? Has there been a change in school achievement? Are they moodier and less motivated?
Does their self-esteem seem to be shrinking away? Do they look physically or emotionally drained? Are these emerging new behaviors giving you reason for concerns?
Dig deep to find the root of the problem and seek out appropriate help. Mental illness can become a special need as real and important as any cognitive or physiological condition or disorder. When children struggle with their thoughts and emotions and are no longer thriving it may be a symptom of anxiety or depression. Imagine going to school day after day with all the inherent challenges found there and feeling this way! Children suffering from mental health issues or illness are like a waning moon. Gradually over time their strength, spirit and intensity decreases and their enthusiasm for everything in life begins to decline.
Now a retired teacher I tutor children who are having difficulty learning to read and write. It has been my observation, almost without exception, that my student’s learning problems are just the tip of the iceberg when trying to meet their individual special needs. School anxiety has become a real problem for many children.
During a reading assessment that I observed a twelve year old boy teared up as he struggled to decode words while desperately trying to maintain his composure as the building anxiety, embarrassment and anger caused by his failure to read created an emotional melt down within. It was heartbreaking to watch. How can his reading disorder not be affecting his overall well-being?
A colleague recently asked me to describe another student of mine. His parents had shared with us that they were not only concerned about their son’s academic progress but also his overall well-being at school. There had been a change in his behavior since the beginning of a new school year. He was less motivated, more introverted and his grades had gone down.
Having worked already for over a year with this young boy developing a good rapport, building up his self-esteem, and improving his literacy skills by a full grade level, I told my colleague that this boy was feeling diminished at school. She thought that was an excellent way to describe a child with learning and mental health issues. Imagine going someplace day after day struggling with your own thoughts and feelings! School was becoming hard again for this child.
Most educators know that creating a positive learning environment with early identification and remediation for individual special needs is critical for optimal learning. I’ve been there and I know that this is a huge challenge in today’s large inclusive classrooms. Sadly, some children struggle or fall through the cracks with immense and lasting consequences.
Promoting good mental health and supporting a child with mental health challenges should always start at home. Before thoughts and feelings become overwhelming for your son or daughter here are some things that you can do.
LEARN MORE. Mental health literacy and awareness has become much more recognized and accepted. You can access information and seek guidance on how to help your child. Learn more about the impact of mental health issues.
UNDERSTAND MORE. Parents need to know what the risk factors are for mental illness so that they will be better able to recognize the warning signs and take action.
STAY CONNECTED with your children. Initiate conversations and keep the lines of communication open.
Become an untiring ADVOCATE for your child. Early diagnosis and intervention are very important. Parents play a crucial role because professionals rely on their observations and insights when identifying disorders and recommending treatment plans.
TEACH your child how to identify what they are feeling and how to manage their emotions. This will help improve their self-control and coping skills so they can think and behave more appropriately in situations.
LISTEN and GIVE SUPPORT. Make sure they understand that everyone can struggle with their feelings and sometimes they will need help from trusted and caring people around them.
POSITIVE THINKING is like a super power. It is so important for our mental well-being. Encourage the glass is always half full thinking and looking on the bright side within your family.
RESILIENT children given consistent love, nurturing and guidance can learn to cope, adjust and recover better when they are challenged. Try to teach problem solving skills and let your children experience the impact and consequences of both positive and negative life events and circumstances.
SHOW your children the benefits and importance of self-care and mindfulness. It is essential for good mental health. Learning to take care of ourselves and managing stress is a vital life skill and should start at a young age. Good nutrition, adequate sleep and exercise are obvious ways that we stay healthy and should be modeled and promoted at home.
FIND and use the resources, programming and accommodations that are appropriate for your son or daughter if learning problems are contributing to mental health issues.
Thriving children are enjoying life and feeling good about themselves. If your child is feeling diminished like a waning moon, struggling with their thoughts and emotions, or displaying concerning changes in behavior you need to seek out appropriate help.
Don’t miss the signs! School anxiety is a real problem for many children. Mental illness can become a significant issue that will impact them for a lifetime.
But, with compassion and support children can begin to feel less diminished and learn to better manage their emotions. Gradually they can grow stronger in spirit and once again full of enthusiasm for life.
Thank you for joining me.
Karen
Adjusting to mom being their teacher has been different for each child. One embraced the role of high achieving model student and rarely slipped out of character.
As children grow up and experience life most parents observe that a son or daughter has a tendency towards being a leader or a follower. They can actually be a mixture of both and these traits are influenced by both genetics and the environment. Experts advice parents to not be judgmental towards either personality style because we need both leaders and followers in our families, schools, workplaces and communities.
Embracing the team ethic of working together is very important. Yet, at the same time paying attention, assessing the situation, thinking for themselves and communicating when a poor choice is being made is necessary and shows emerging independent critical thinking skills.
Beanie Babies were the new craze that year, but our kids had their eyes set on climbing the swimming ladder of success via buoyant animals like otters, seals and dolphins.
And then you sit and wait. No scrolling through your phone! What phone! The World Wide Web has only just released browsers making the internet accessible at home on your computer if you have one. Instead you read your paperback, babysit siblings, strike up a conversation with the parent next to you, or maybe just enjoy watching your little ones swimming, splashing and diving. Then like a machine your wash, rinse, dry and repeat cycle continues.
A quick READ.
We had our favorite spots for summertime play. I had just unveiled my own frightening retro 80’s curly hair perm. 
Climbing on monkey bars and jungle gyms, building castles in the sand, sliding down long, hot, slippery slides and riding the old rocking horses. 
Most parents know and accept that they are going to be given the responsibility and lead role regarding their children’s health and well-being. They enroll their kids in good schools. Love and care for them. Give them a variety of experiences. Sign them up for sports activities. Provide them with medical, dental and vision care. Save for their future perhaps post-secondary education. Perhaps spend a fortune on braces and a litany of other things. Read together. Give them hugs and jump through hoops for them.
Children who have been through life-changing events or are grieving a loss have a greater risk for mental illness. It is not a stretch to predict that many immigrant or refugee children entering our school systems are struggling to fit into an unfamiliar sometimes not very accepting new culture. They are learning a new language and some may have come from traumatic environments. At the same time they are missing their home, family, friends and everything that was familiar to them. This surely is a recipe for stress that may challenge their self-esteem, resilence and positive thinking.
When children or adolescents are feeling that they are not fitting in or if they have become a victim of bullying or cyberbullying this can create an overwhelming cycle of self-doubt and despair. 
So, what can parents do if they believe that their child is suffering from serious mental distress, pain and unhappiness that could lead to self-harm? Immediatley seek out help from mental health professionals who can assess the immediacy of the danger risk for their son or daughter. Doctors and counsellors can take action and provide the appropriate intervention. A longer-term treatment plan can be initiated that will likely include medication and therapy.
Uncovering and understanding the factors that are causing a child or adolescent to have such deep dark feelings and potential suicidal thoughts and behaviors is crucial. Resolving issues and helping them to regain a more positive perspective on life along with strengthening their resiliency and coping skills is the goal of any intervention.
Ultimately a child needs to feel loved, understood, supported, appreciated and valued. 
We don’t have a crystal ball and can’t possibly predict all that may happen in our children’s lives. By helping them to identify and express their feelings from a young age we can reduce the risk that deep dark feelings may persist and lead to mental health problems. Children need to experience coping with stress and conflict in life so that they can learn from these situations how to communicate what they are feeling to others and become more resilient.
