Why would twelve teenage Thai soccer teammates follow their young coach deep into a cave that locals had warned was not a safe place to go? Exploring past signs that warned people not to enter the cave especially during the rainy season. For most parents this sets off alarm bells regarding our own children’s well-being and their ability to make necessary and important life decisions. Questions are being asked within many families following this recent epic global event and near tragedy about whether my child is a leader or a follower? When faced with uncertainty, peer pressure and possibly a charismatic leader what would they do?
As children grow up and experience life most parents observe whether a son or daughter has a tendency toward being a leader or a follower. Clinical psychologists suggest that children can be a mixture of both and that these personality traits are influenced by both genetics and the environment. Parents should be careful not to be judgmental towards either social and emotional tendency in their own children because we need both good leaders and good followers in our society. Most of us are and will be expected to be followers within our families, relationships, work places, religions, communities and many other situations so why not learn to be good at it!
Good followers support and help the leader when he or she is doing the right thing and have the courage to stand up to that leader when they think that they are doing something wrong or headed in the wrong direction. So why did all those boys keep following their coach into a dangerous situation when they should have known that they were all heading in the wrong direction?
Sometimes it is not easy to stand up to a leader. It does require confidence, courage and conviction which are ironically also essential skills of good leadership. Being a good follower means being engaged, collaborating, communicating yet at the same time paying attention, thinking for yourself and saying no when something is not right, and a poor choice is being made.
So, what can parents do? First consider your own leadership style within your family and around your home. As significant role models in children’s lives we need to model both good leadership and follower behaviors. For instance, an overly dominant parent is not fostering assertiveness in their son or daughter. A family that encourages teamwork is teaching vital life skills.
Teaching your child to be observant and aware, knowledgeable and actively involved in their environment are also critical life skills. Provide children with a variety of experiences so that they can learn and grow. Show them how decisions can be made and how to solve problems and then encourage some risk taking and let them practice these invaluable life skills. This will increase their self-confidence and independence and teach responsibility, integrity and trust.
It is so important to build self-esteem in your child’s own thoughts, feeling, and opinions. Be encouraging, patient and positive. Keep communicating with your child and ask lots of questions to get them thinking on their own. So, when faced with a new situation, uncertainty, peer pressure and even a well-meaning yet misinformed charismatic leader you can feel more confident about what your son or daughter will do?
By building up our children’s ability to understand consequences of behaviors, trust and value their own decisions and make good choices for themselves it will increase the chances that they will experience greater success and stay safe in the future.
THANK YOU for joining me!
Karen
References: https://www.workingmother.com/advice-for-parents-of-follower-kids
https://skillizen.com/blog/is-your-child-a-leader-or-follower
