You’ve heard the saying “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree”.  Children learn from the significant people around them.  As parents the words we choose and the words we use really do matter.  A child’s mind is like a blank sheet of paper ready to be written or painted on.  The innocence of youth is precious and pliable like a newly opened container of playdough ready to be molded.

Amidst the collective consciousness reboot we are currently all living through in society a productive reminder that communication skills are an integral part of any learning environment is truly relevant.  It is the primary method by which children acquire the beliefs, norms and knowledge basis of their society.  Our words and the way we teach our children at home can help change attitudes one generation at a time.

As a parent you are their first and most influential teacher and role model.  We all want to believe that we have communicated appropriate views to our children so that they will grow up to be responsible, respectful and productive human beings.  What are the messages that you are sending out to your children each day that you communicate with them?  Remember the power of your words speaks volumes about the kind of person you are and what you believe in.  Teach your children well!

Words become nourishment for young brains and a source of information.  They can help a brain to grow and function normally or they can be used as cognitive, emotional or social weapons.  At home it is all about your attitude, intent and your own mindset.  What do you bring to the table every day when you sit down for a family dinner? Are you serving up healthy verbal food for thought?  Are you promoting a shared understanding of social norms, beliefs, ideas and moral attitudes which operate as a unifying force within society?  Are you filling up glasses with words of wisdom and encouragement or are you spreading your interpretation of the truth that meets your own standards and beliefs?

Like most people my age I grew up the product of a different era with baggage from prior generations of old views, values and bad habits.  The world that I grew up in was different from the one that my parents were raised in and similarly my own children have grown up in a world that keeps evolving with greater inclusivity and a new normal that has emerged on the surface and yet we see that in many situations it still harbors old-fashioned beliefs at its core.

I remember inappropriate vocabulary being used in my own childhood home and my only at school black friend that sat behind me in the third grade.  There were the surprised and uncomfortable expressions on some family members as a black minister read our wedding vows.  In my early teaching days decades ago there were only one or two black, immigrant or indigenous  children amidst a sea of whitebread students in my suburban school.  At face value since then we have embraced the notion of multiculturalism in many of our institutions but obviously much of that has been superficial only for some in society.

As society changed, I have made a conscious choice to try to change with it.  As a parent I have tried to maintain a progressive stance and embraced a more equitable and inclusive world.  Being a willing lifelong learner is a healthier way to approach life.  Not perpetuating the sins of our fathers and mothers so to speak.  I have made every attempt that I could to not pass down judgmental and intolerant views to my children.  I have tried to educate and counteract exposures to such beliefs and behaviors that my daughters have experienced because I know that  prejudice and hate is something that is taught.

As children witness and participate in family conversations, they are acquiring knowledge and absorbing patterns of behavior at the same time.  Learning is like that some of it is picked up through direct instruction and modeling and some of it just seems to be digested through osmosis. That is why words can be a source of support and encouragement for children or they can influence and harm them and have a lasting impact.

Your words are one of your most powerful parenting tools.  How you choose to use them can have significant consequences for your children.  Are your words being helpful to those around you?  Are you positive and polite, open and honest, hopeful and empathetic, loving and encouraging?  Are you teaching your children to make good choices in this world and stand up for what is right and fair?  Or are you causing harm by using slanted, inaccurate, insensitive and inappropriate words with critical or rude tone?  That is not constructive communication.  What you say and how you say it really does matter.

One of my daughters expressed to me many years ago that I had not been listening to her lately and it was bothering her.  I never forgot that comment.  Now, that is something that I still hear occasionally decades later, and it reminds me that children shouldn’t be the only ones doing the listening and the learning.  Communication is the key.

When parents do not lead with integrity, they are not setting a good example for their sons and daughters.  I know that there have been times when I have not used my words well, displayed unacceptable behaviors and portrayed negative attitudes around my children.  I am not proud of those moments, but it is the tone that you set over time that really affects kids.  What I am proud of is the principled adult women that my children have grown up to be.  Our words and the way we teach our children at home can help change attitudes one generation at a time.

Thank you for joining me.

Karen Boschee  

 

 

 

Does a child really need a hero?  Brave, strong and smart characters abound in children’s make-believe worlds.  But, what about the real world?  With the COVID19 pandemic that seems like a silly question and an understatement!  The recognition of everyday heroes is making the news daily.  My husband has become my hero when he volunteers to glove and mask up to go grocery shopping because I am feeling nervous to do it myself!

Heroes are usually role models that people emulate because they have accomplished, survived or overcome something in their lives.  They help us understand the world around us and teach us important coping skills that can help us live better lives.  Children may learn about extraordinary, compassionate and courageous heroes but, who are these people to a young child?

Let’s face it, changes in life can be hard and unsettling especially for children.  Now more than ever parents need to inspire calm and show their children how to face and overcome adversity and obstacles in their life journey.

Heroes emerge in tough times and deal with situations in positive ways.  These are unpresented times we are all going through that will likely have a lasting impact on our children.  Parents who are staying calm and patient while being resourceful will be the rock that they can cling to or the anchor that will keep them from being swept away with their feelings of uncertainty, anxiety and fear.  The truth is looking back on these COVID times most parents will discover that they have been, perhaps without being celebrated or praised, the real unsung heroes in their child’s life!

I am proud of all three of my adult daughters who are now brave essential service front line public health workers going to work each day during this pandemic.  They have grown up to be dedicated, competent and resourceful individuals in each of their chosen professions.  I can no longer keep them safe on that rock.  They have climbed down and are weathering the storm of this crisis along with their colleagues.  At my age now roles have been reversed and I am the one sheltering at home trying to stay healthy.

It has been my own personal experience that you can’t sugar coat life.  I learned to be a stronger and more resilient adult because I had to face difficult times and loss when I was a child.  Being around others who are experiencing life’s challenges can be a powerful and influential learning experience.  Children who are too sheltered may find it harder to cope with adversity as adults.

Life is not always going to be a “piece of cake” that is wonderful, kind and fair.  Children will unfortunately be dealt bad cards, given lemons and must cope with tough situations and challenges.  They will encounter difficult people and suffer disappointment, loss and adversity.  That is part of life!

Participating together in those defining moments within a family can be valuable learning experiences and help prepare children for their own future life.  Learning to live with the COVID19 virus pandemic will be another chapter in everyone’s family story.  Learning to remain positive, patient, compassionate, committed, resourceful and resilient will lead our sons and daughters towards stronger character development and more stable mental and physical health and wellness.

I have been seeing younger friends and relatives posting the wonderful things that they have had the opportunity to do with their children during this extended homebound time.  Parents everywhere are having to assume multiple roles as mom, dad, playmate, teacher and faithful friend.

A favorite quote that I have used before in my blog expresses in hindsight what I am trying to convey.  “The point is not to do remarkable things, but to do ordinary things with the conviction of their immense importance.”  Isn’t that what parenting is all about regardless of whether there is a pandemic.  Parents do what they need to do so that their family can survive and stay healthy.

 These are confusing and stressful times.  As families self-isolate at home trying to stay healthy hang in there!  You don’t need to wear a big S for super on your chest.  Just stay strong in a gentle way.  It may be the simple little daily things that show your strength, courage and special skills!

It will be difficult and demanding at times, but you can be your child’s biggest hero!  When times are tough your children need to know that they can depend on you to be their rock and that you will not let them stumble and fall.  Your children are watching you and learning so don’t underestimate the significant role model you play as a parent.  YES, they do need a Hero like YOU!

 

Thank you for joining me.

 

 

Karen Boschee

 

 

 

 

Reminisce and Reflect with me.

Suddenly, one of my daughters sternly asked, “Why don’t you just quit your job mom and stay home!”  Strong words from a young child who was obviously craving more family time.  Home together decorating eggs and looking forward to Easter nineteen-ninety something.

Imagine that kids wanting to spend all their time at home with you!  Quality family time is always precious.  But that was an unrealistic dream for two working parents at that time.  So, we hugged our children, counted our blessings, savored the moment and carried on trying to make this home time special.

Who could have imagined there would be a time in our life when we would all be mandated to stay home for the greater good and catch up on all that family time?  Despite the many stresses of navigating the COVID 19 homebound crisis I do hope that many young families appreciate the gift of time together they have been given.  There is power in connections.

As we get older our need for associations continues but the opportunities to form new and lasting relationships become less.  Family ties make life richer and more meaningful.  Communicating, supporting and building strong emotional bonds with children when they are young is especially important.

I missed having some of those kinds of connections with my own parents and sister after too many moves and miles apart over years made the ability to support one another difficult.

The concept of “HOME” will be different for everyone.  Having been a teacher for many years I know that most young children look forward to home time and the comforts and shelter it provides for them.  Obviously, there are no guarantees, circumstances and events can change and influence family life but even then, there is always security found in consistency and love.

Some friendships may come and go over a lifetime but hopefully your family connections will last and become cherished and dependable friendships.  I knew that I did not want to be just a mom or a parent to my children.  I wanted to be their friend. 

I am not minimizing the significance or the responsibility of the parental role but when you are communicating with and interacting now with sons and daughters, consider how much you will all benefit in the future.  Active participation and time put into my family life during childhood and adolescent years has contributed to the quality of our adult relationships.  Valuable patterns of behavior established early in life will be more likely to be prioritized and maintained throughout a lifetime. 

I have discovered that it was the subtle little things I did consistently that may have had the greatest impact and influence.  As individuals your children will take separate paths in adulthood.  Try to have special times with each child in order to appreciate their uniqueness and create personal memories.  Be their biggest fan when the opportunity arises and a faithful companion in the quiet and challenging moments.

It has been a natural progression and expectation, that now although we lead separate daily lives, we should respect and maintain those important relationships and friendships.  Common interests, memories fondly shared, consistent holiday traditions, our love of books, favorite TV shows and chick flicks we watch, and our enduring love of the pets in our lives are some of the things that keep us connected in adult life.  We follow each other’s personal and professional lives and communicate often.  We still enjoy meeting for visits at a popular coffee shop with a familiar green symbol like we have been doing together since they were young girls.  The important thing is that we spent time together and established lines of communication and emotional bonds that continue today.

  As I sit alone at the same dinner table writing this blog where we sat together for many years watching TV and doing homework and being a teacher my own school work late into the evening I have been reflecting.  This is still HOME and it is a special place for me.  A comforting feeling in these uncertain times.  The circumstances are certainly quite different today, but this is not the first holiday my family has not been all together, and I know it will not be the last. 

I’m not as young as I used to be and navigating the isolation of COVID 19’s surreal social distancing lifestyle is challenging.  Countless families are experiencing the same longings to be with loved ones.  We have all had to be creative and work harder to stay in touch with each other.  Trying new ways of communicating, establishing different traditions and making new memories.  My dinner table may have fewer chairs around it, but I am thankful that my life still feels full because I have stayed connected with my children and involved in their lives.  

Taking out my Easter and spring decorations this year was like seeing old friends again and it made me feel good.  I have adopted the yours virtually mentality when communicating.  I opened the memories vault to share old childhood photos with my three daughters and sent them each an Easter Smilebox photo story.

I included the scratches on the front door and the stains on the old rabbit’s ear because well used things are usually a sign of something special.

If home is still a place that nurtures you count your blessings and take the time to share that feeling with your loved ones.  Send reminders often of the good times.  Not just at holiday times.  That is the power of connections!

Thank you for joining me.

Karen Boschee

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reminisce and Reflect with me.

Special Note:  My blog is often retro in nature and the idea for this posting came before the current social distancing and self-isolating global battle with COVID19.  Oddly it is now timelier and a stark reminder of how dependent we all are on our technology and social media in 2020.  With a computer in the house and our cell phones we are all staying much more connected than prior generations would have been able to do during this time of crisis.  That is a very comforting thing!

The 90’s is when I took my journaling habit to our home computer.  The robust word processing allowed for more elaboration and speed.  The file storage capabilities were a novel new bonus feature.  That journal has become the source of many of my reflections for this blog.  

I had some exposure to computers as a teacher at that time it was limited with only some schools exploring the luxury of having a computer lab.  In the early to mid-90’s relatively few homes had computers.

In our house two adults and three children shared that standard shade of gray big box monitor with the floor tower, floppy disc drawers, mesmerizing screensavers, detached mega keyboard and of course the sizable hand mouse and mouse pad.  That would seem totally unreasonable in today’s standards of efficiency, but we were happy campers having that new expensive toy with its multiple functions.

The economy was doing better in the 90’s.  A welcome oasis from what had been and what was unfortunately still to come.  People were spending more money and the interest in upgrading computer technology at work and at home was exploding.  The computer world in that decade was dominated by access to the worldwide web via the internet and Microsoft Windows revolutionary software.

Remember the sound of the dial up internet loading and connecting.  Netscape Navigator was likely your default browser and lining up to buy the latest version of Windows was like Boxing Day.  Think about all we take for granted now and how far the tech world has taken off and become an integral part of our lives.

Back in those early days computer favorites like Solitaire, Minesweeper and SimCity were played by the hours.  Our oldest remembers printing out carefully designed bookmarks and other treasures and playing Ski Free and the Beauty and the Beast game.  I just had a flashback to long printed banners I was able to make for my classroom. 

K-i-n-d-e-r-g-a-r-t-e-n in big black letters slowly crept through the printer on at least ten interconnected pages with holes on the sides that you had to carefully detach.  That was cool in those days!  The youngest loved all the Barbie computer games and the kid’s version of SimCity.  My middle daughter enjoyed Frogger and Pajama Sam.  She was also a fan of the Sims.  Santa Claus even became computer literate in the 90’s at our house leaving a delightful Christmas Eve message for our young daughters on the monitor screen.

I recently read an article written around Y2K that asked the question “Do home computers bring families together or isolate family members?”  The potential effects and uses of computers within the household were then explored.  It was interesting to reflect on the perceptions and predictions researchers made back then about the role computers would play in our future lives and then compare it with how technology has become a fundamental  part of homes today.

Computers were given a passing grade by considering the convenient and relatively inexpensive email communication and internet options, the wide variety of information sources available, the software programs to support learning and household management now on the market, combined with the new phenomenon of working at home aided by online technology.  Needless to say the depth and breadth of all the home computer  recreation, entertainment and games that children and adults were becoming more fascinated with and addicted to was growing exponentially. 

Confirming my own hindsight accolades for having a computer in the house when my children were growing up.  They do help family members learn, stay connected, manage their home and work lives and have fun too!

 

 

Becoming computer literate meant learning new skills and exploring new frontiers.  We all spent countless hours in front of that glowing screen reading, writing, surfing the net and playing games.  It was the 90’s and I think that our computer promoted and enhanced our children’s learning by getting them to use more literacy, numeracy, creativity, critical thinking and problem-solving skills.

 

At that time, we had no idea where all this computer technology would lead us to decades down the road.  It was the beginning of a whole new era of higher efficiency and expectations along with greater workloads and more stress.  The never really being unplugged times have now been with us for years.

“Do home computers bring families together or isolate family members?”  I think we have long since known the answer to that question.  They can do both depending on how they are used but that’s alright because technology has become so multifaceted and meshed into society.  The pluses far outnumber the minuses.  There is no turning back now nearly all children grow up with it, learn with it and embrace it.

As I sit quietly at home writing this blog on my much smaller and more portable personalized red laptop during this unprecedented COVID19 crisis I am indeed grateful for the advanced technology and social media we have in 2020. 

With a computer in the house I am feeling more informed about local and global news and events.  I am able to continue to manage most of my personal, household and business affairs.  I am still feeling connected to my family and friends, my church and work colleagues and with my blog readers.  That is a very comforting feeling.

 

Thank you for joining me.

Karen Boschee

Websites on this topic:  https://family.jrank.org/pagws/301/Computers-Family.html

https://community.spiceworks.com/topic/2014150-it-nostalgia-you-know-you-loved-computers-in-the-1990s-if

http://www.thepeoplehistory.com/90scomputers.html

https://www.statistics/184685/percentage-of-households-with-computer-in-the-united-states-since-1984/

 

 

 

 

Reminisce and Reflect with me.

Enjoying the winter wonderland around us we were on our way to the neighborhood tobogganing hill.  It’s nineteen-ninety something and the sledding was fun.  The hill was fast and full of snow suited youngsters with crazy carpets and saucers in tow.

Older kids had built a huge bump of snow into the slope to give it that extra blast of excitement.  Being a conscientious parent I spent the whole time worrying and carefully steering my girls around the hazard.  Everything was going great until the final ride of the day for my two oldest daughters.  At the last second, they caught the edge of the hill and veered right over that big bump!

I saw it happening and was helpless to intervene.  My heart sank as I heard the screams of anticipation and then sheer joy.  It was quite a thrill and an enormous spill.  Fortunately children bounce quite  well and everyone was fine.  Unexpected moments and experiences can sneak up on you.  Some are destined to become iconic childhood memories.  It couldn’t possibly have been planned or prevented but taking flight momentarily while sliding down that hill and landing flat on their backs and behinds was the most exciting part of the whole day for my kids.

A few weeks later I was driving home from a long day of teaching after picking up my girls from school and daycare.  We were in the midst of a bad winter storm.  It was going to be a challenging drive and I was suffering from a severe migraine headache.  Traffic was slow and the roads were slick.  Being sick is difficult for any working parent but this was truly memorable.

 

 

We needed to get home.  Struggling to keep going I finally had to pull over and only temporarily incapacitated threw up into the only thing I could grab, my favorite bright yellow woolen winter toque!  It wasn’t planned and it couldn’t be prevented but mom getting sick in her hat was the most dramatic event of that whole day for my kids.  

The snow kept falling.  Back in control and parental role we continued driving and eventually managed to get home.  My girls did their best to take care of me.  My youngest called it doctoring Mom.  If I were to show up today wearing a yellow toque I guarantee that my adult daughters would chuckle and then we would reminisce about that intense journey home in the car all those years ago.

You don’t have to be the perfect parent all the time and you won’t be the perfect parent everyday.  Imperfections help build character.  Challenges make us all stronger.  There will always be things that you can’t stop, can’t control and can’t change in your children’s lives.  Being there for your loved ones when they need you is what’s important.

Much older me is telling younger me that the precautions taken, the meticulous plans made and the hoops jumped through to make family life run smoothly may not always be remembered and appreciated.  But, people will remember many of those random shared spontaneous moments.

The old saying “Don’t sweat the small stuff” comes to mind.  Let it snow and chill out!  Look on the bright side. Snow always makes things whiter and lighter giving us a clean slate.  But snow does not last forever.  So rekindle those good memories.  Focus on what makes you feel good and go out and have some fun.

I recently did that exact thing.  I have always loved snow and winter.  When I was young I did a lot of ice skating with family and friends.  My own childhood memories take me back to skating with my dad on cold winter weekends. 

Haven’t done this since the 90’s with my own kids.  It’s twenty-twenty and last weekend I decided to enjoy the winter wonderland around me and I went skating again!

 

Thank you for joining me.

Karen   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m still embarrassed to admit and angry with myself for missing the signs that my daughter had vision issues until she was in grade 4!  She was always good natured, capable, never complained and managed to adapt and cope until finally school issues began to emerge.  Don’t worry she’s fine that was nearly 25 years ago!

While attending another ophthalmologist appointment with her recently it got me thinking, if parents and teachers could miss a child having difficulty seeing in class, it’s  not surprising that emerging emotional problems in children may not be recognized and given attention to in a timely and effective way.  These issues can ebb and flow or may sometimes be hidden completely from view, like a new moon gone temporarily from the night sky.

Not all children come out of their childhood feeling fine and will navigate through adulthood, like the moon returning and repeating its journey over and over again, with mental illness.

Parents with the best intentions and parenting skills can miss or misinterpret things.  We are only human and can quickly slip into our busy routines and not notice the subtle changes in a son or daughter, like the waxing and waning of the moon above our heads. 

Don’t ignore the signs!  If you observe changes in patterns of behavior and sense that there may be an issue you need to become an advocate for your child.  Is their energy and enthusiasm for school and other social activities dwindling?  Has there been a change in school achievement?  Are they moodier and less motivated?

Does their self-esteem seem to be shrinking away?  Do they look physically or emotionally drained?  Are these emerging new behaviors giving you reason for concerns?

Dig deep to find the root of the problem and seek out appropriate help.  Mental illness can become a special need as real and important as any cognitive or physiological condition or disorder.  When children struggle with their thoughts and emotions and are no longer thriving it may be a symptom of anxiety or depression.  Imagine going to school day after day with all the inherent challenges found there and feeling this way!  Children suffering from mental health issues or illness are like a waning moon.  Gradually over time their strength, spirit and intensity decreases and their enthusiasm for everything in life begins to decline.

Now a retired teacher I tutor children who are having difficulty learning to read and write.  It has been my observation, almost without exception, that my student’s learning problems are just the tip of the iceberg when trying to meet their individual special needs.  School anxiety has become a real problem for many children.

During a reading assessment that I observed a twelve year old boy teared up as he struggled to decode words while desperately trying to maintain his composure as the building anxiety, embarrassment and anger caused by his failure to read created an emotional melt down within.  It was heartbreaking to watch.  How can his reading disorder not be affecting his overall well-being?

A colleague recently asked me to describe another student of mine.  His parents had shared with us that they were not only concerned about their son’s academic progress but also his overall well-being at school.  There had been a change in his behavior since the beginning of a new school year.  He was less motivated, more introverted and his grades had gone down.

Having worked already for over a year with this young boy developing a good rapport, building up his self-esteem, and improving his literacy skills by a full grade level, I told my colleague that this boy was feeling diminished at school.   She thought that was an excellent way to describe a child with learning and mental health issues.  Imagine going someplace day after day struggling with your own thoughts and feelings!  School was becoming hard again for this child.

Most educators know that creating a positive learning environment with early identification and remediation for individual special needs is critical for optimal learning.  I’ve been there and I know that this is a huge challenge in today’s large inclusive classrooms.  Sadly, some children struggle or fall through the cracks with immense and lasting consequences.

Promoting good mental health and supporting a child with mental health challenges should always start at home.  Before thoughts and feelings become overwhelming for your son or daughter here are some things that you can do.

LEARN MORE.  Mental health literacy and awareness has become much more recognized and accepted.  You can access information and seek guidance on how to help your child.  Learn more about the impact of mental health issues.

UNDERSTAND MORE.  Parents need to know what the risk factors are for mental illness so that they will be better able to recognize the warning signs and take action.

STAY CONNECTED with your children.  Initiate conversations and keep the lines of communication open.

Become an untiring ADVOCATE for your child.  Early diagnosis and intervention are very important.  Parents play a crucial role because professionals rely on their observations and insights when identifying disorders and recommending treatment plans.

TEACH your child how to identify what they are feeling and how to manage their emotions.  This will help improve their self-control and coping skills so they can think and behave more appropriately in situations. 

LISTEN and GIVE SUPPORT.  Make sure they understand that everyone can struggle with their feelings and sometimes they will need help from trusted and caring people around them.

POSITIVE THINKING is like a super power.  It is so important for our mental well-being.  Encourage the glass is always half full thinking and looking on the bright side within your family.

RESILIENT children given consistent love, nurturing and guidance can learn to cope, adjust and recover better when they are challenged.  Try to teach problem solving skills and let your children experience the impact and consequences of both positive and negative life events and circumstances.

SHOW your children the benefits and importance of self-care and mindfulness.  It is essential for good mental health.  Learning to take care of ourselves and managing stress is a vital life skill and should start at a young age.  Good nutrition, adequate sleep and exercise are obvious ways that we stay healthy and should be modeled and promoted at home.

FIND and use the resources, programming and accommodations that are appropriate for your son or daughter if learning problems are contributing to mental health issues.

Thriving children are enjoying life and feeling good about themselves.  If your child is feeling diminished like a waning moon, struggling with their thoughts and emotions, or displaying concerning changes in behavior you need to seek out appropriate help.

Don’t miss the signs!  School anxiety is a real problem for many children.  Mental illness can become a significant issue that will impact them for a lifetime.

But, with compassion and support children can begin to feel less diminished and learn to better manage their emotions.  Gradually they can grow stronger in spirit and once again full of enthusiasm for life. 

 

Thank you for joining me.

Karen

 

  

Reminisce and Reflect with me.

January nineteen-ninety something, when cursive writing was still a coveted rite of passage in school, my daughter lost her first tooth and wrote a letter to the Tooth Fairy.  I thought it just fell out all by itself!  My own journal entry substantiated the exciting event.  We have a fascination with significant occurrences in our lives. 

We like to share common passages of time and life events.  It makes us feel normal and human.  Little does she know that there will be so many more milestones ahead.  Important events and achievements.  Memorable highlights,  monumental tasks and defining moments.

A chapter in her life will end and a new door will open.  There will be critical junctures made by unforeseen circumstances when decisions will need to be made.  She will arrive at different crossroads and turning points as she navigates through life.

It is important to recognize all the good and bad firsts in life but learn from them too.  First day of school, riding a bike without training wheels, a first place finish or win, a first date, first love, first heartbreak, driving solo for the first time, graduating, voting for the first time, getting that first job, the adventures and trips, first time living away from home, first failure, conflict or great loss.  The list will be long. 

Feel proud and excited or humbled and appreciative.  Not every day will be special. Few will be consequential.  In the moment be conscious and discerning because your reality and perspectives will change with age.

Welcome your accomplishments and independence.  Savor the moments because too soon many of them will become commonplace.  Document things when you can for future reference and pleasure.  Firsts often lead to self-discovery and greater maturity.

Celebrate when life is good.  Learn when life is challenging.  Another New Year has now come and gone.  We are now in the first days of a new decade.  What other firsts will this year bring?

I found my daughter’s “tooth” letter years later and had to chuckle and admire the honesty and innocence that was being communicated, in awesome cursive writing!  She was experiencing the feelings of amazement caused by something remarkable and unfamiliar.  Yet she was already showing gumption and assertiveness pulling her own tooth out and negotiating with the Tooth Fairy!

Little did she know that the first day with braces would be in her future and that the Tooth Fairy would always be generous but fair.  The wonders of childhood do not last forever but that day in January was special for my little girl.

Thank you for joining me.

Karen

 

 

 

 

Reminisce and Reflect with me.

When you are searching for that perfect gift consider for a moment the gift of time. Building a snowman on a winter day in nineteen-ninety something was enough.  A quote from a book that I recently reread stuck a chord and reminded me of the importance of taking the time to live more in the present appreciating the people, places and things around me.   

Adults tend to get absorbed in their to do lists and forget to stop and smell the coffee so to speak.  If you watch children, you will see that they are naturally so much better at seeing and enjoying the good things that are going on around them.  Until they are taught what is expected or accepted, they simply live in the moment.

 For parents joy that is shared and brings us together can be that perfect gift.  This gift is about more that just practicing mindfulness to achieve greater happiness because “every time we are not fully engaged in the moment is time lost forever!

I would like to share a treasured quote that used to hang in a prominent place in my kitchen.  Somehow over the years its prominence diminished, its importance was ignored and eventually covered up and forgotten completely!  Then many years later I found it behind the calendar usually filled with a busy family’s agenda of events and activities.

It says,  “THE POINT IS NOT TO DO REMARKABLE THINGS, BUT TO DO ORDINARY THINGS WITH THE CONVICTION OF THEIR IMMENSE IMPORTANCE.” Worthwhile words of wisdom at any age!

As I prepare my traditional yearly family photo display that hangs on the fridge and file pictures away into “old school” albums, I quietly enjoy remembering the special memories captured in those images.

I know the idea of finding joy and living more in the present is not a new one.  But it is something that resonates in my mind and heart more frequently now.  There must be some truth in the saying that wisdom comes with age because in our younger, busier lives this advice was often ignored and rarely taken.

Retirement has given me the gift of time and more sleep!  I am feeling more joyful and  physically, mentally and spiritually restored.  Proof of how much more balance and perspective I might have gained sooner in life if I had just slowed down and enjoyed a few more precious moments.

I must admit sometimes when I look back over old photos and think about past family events my memories are not always as clear as I thought they would be.  Maybe I should not have been so busy,  participated more actively, recorded things more vividly in my brain and written more things down to remember.  I often forgot to stop and smell the coffee!

Consider what are the memories that you want your children to carry with them in future years.  Perhaps the perfect gift is to take more time to do ordinary things together.  It is important to recognize that appreciating many of the quiet endearing moments in life, like being there when your child is building a snowman on a winter day, do make you feel more joyful, content and successful as a parent and will create lasting memories.

Thank you for joining me!

Karen

 

 

 

Reminisce and Reflect with me.

The season of joy is coming.  It’s nineteen ninety-something.  My first baby girl is growing up so fast.  My first baby boy is growing old too soon!  Both continue to bring me joy each day.  Dogs have always made me feel happy.

Like many young couples our first parenting experiences were with pets.  Two lovable big dogs.  We enrolled in NURTURING 2.0!  I had grown up in a home where pets were always part of the family.   I followed in my father’s footsteps feeding, walking, training, grooming, playing with, talking to and most importantly loving my pets.   

As our family grew this 14 year old boy was still patient, loving and devoted to his pack.

I know that some circumstances or conditions might make it impossible for families to have pets but a home with animals is a great place for kids to grow up in. That’s the kind of environment I hoped to provide for my children. 

Hindsight shows me that I was doing so much more than I realized for my kids at the time.  Research supports the belief that pets are good for child development and mental health.  The companionship and unconditional love are a given but there is more!

Pets help reduce stress.  Kids who get emotional support from animals may be less anxious and withdrawn.  The non-judgmental nature of an animal can help improve a child’s self-esteem.  Kids tend to be more confident doing things with an animal because they aren’t afraid of making mistakes or looking silly.  A pet will still love you even if you aren’t the best reader, have difficulty communicating or are very shy.

Children learn best when they are encouraged to do things.  Helping to take care of a pet teaches nurturing skills, responsibility and encourages empathy towards other living things.  Having routines within the home is a positive thing for kids.  It also gives them real experiences with the inevitable circle of life concepts that they will face in the future.  Having a pet is an excellent learning opportunity for children. 

Kids enjoy talking and playing with their pets.  This gives them practice communicating and socializing. It also promotes physical activity and good health.  

In our home dogs have often made us smile and laugh when we spend time together.  They have been a source of happiness that has built strong family bonds and created special shared memories.

Children remember their pets.  One of the best childhood memories for all my kids was that spring day in nineteen ninety-something, when we got our new puppy.

Pets help keep us mentally and physically healthy.  We have continued to have pets.  Three more dogs have shared our home and joined our pack.  My adult children are still animal lovers.  Once they established homes for themselves, they have also welcomed pets into their lives.

Just like my dad before me I have maintained my nurturing ways. My kids no longer share our home but they will forever have my heart and bring me joy.  Now an empty-nester my dogs are great company and they keep me active. I can’t take credit for the sayings that have adorned my house over the years but the messages sure ring true.  Dogs still make me happy. When it comes to my mental health sometimes “Dogs do make the best therapists!”  It feels good to be loved unconditionally.

Thank you for joining me!

Karen

If you want to read more on this topic here are some websites for you to visit.

https://www.parents.com/parenting/pets/kids/the-benefits-of-pets/

Pet Ownership Positively Affects Your Kids in More Ways Than One

Children who grow up with pets make more sensitive and sympathetic adults

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/the-benefits-of-children-growing-up-with-pets

 

 

 

 

Reminisce and Reflect with me.

An autumn afternoon stroll with the kids. It’s nineteen ninety-something when scarecrows were built and not bought at the craft store.  Before the return of pumpkin spice lattes excited us.  It was easy then to fall in love with autumn by just appreciating mother nature’s spectacle. 

The glorious trees, colorful falling leaves crunching under foot and sunflowers standing tall for their final salute.  A harvest full moon, the sounds of geese flocking up in the sky and pumpkins here, there and everywhere. 

That not too hot, not too cold, festive time of year.  In our family fall meant birthdays, an anniversary and other celebrations, new beginnings and returning to familiar routines at school and various other activities.

Memories evoke emotions.  These photographs make me feel happy. The iconic old song says it well “Memories light the corners of my mind.  Misty water-colored memories of the way we were.” “Smiles we gave to one another for the way we were.” 

Reminiscing is good for our mental health.  It helps make life more meaningful. It resets our perspective on the present and helps us feel more positive about the future. Nostalgia is good for you.  That is a big reason why I write this blog.

The seasons are always with us, always changing and always returning.  Kind of like our lives! Their cycle can be comforting.  I still love Fall.  It has always been my anchor time of year.  A time for reflection, contentment and thankfulness. 

Magical mother nature and her changing seasons still has the power to WOW me!  I hope that I have passed that source of happiness and joy and an appreciation for life on to my children. 

That’s AUTUMN BLISS! 

 

Thank you for joining me!

Karen

“The Way We Were”  (1974) written by Alan and Marilyn Bergman and Marvin Hamlisch