Not surprisingly studies clearly show that meaningfully engaging in something that you are passionate about can have positive outcomes on your mental health and happiness. Unfortunately, however many people don’t know how to follow their passions. Researcher Jon Jachimowicz gives three reasons why this is a challenge. First, passion is not something one finds but rather something that needs to be developed. Secondly, it is hard to pursue your passions because they often diminish over time. The third surprising reason is that sometimes our passions have limits and can lead us off track.

We all know that you can’t live on happiness alone. Life soon shows us that you cannot get sidetracked from important goals, responsibilities and routine activities for too long. If passions need to be actively discovered over time, he suggests that we focus more on what we care about, not just what you like to do and what is fun. Pursuing your passions will be challenging and it will require perseverance. It may not be easy and will require great effort but passions within ourselves are resilient. They can wait and weather the many storms of a life lived.

I have learned over time that my true passions are things that I don’t have to do. I choose to do them because I want to without motive or obligation. For me it has been writing and artistic pursuits that I excelled at when I was young and in school and later in my teaching profession. I loved to mentor my young students giving them confidence to explore their own creative side especially through the visual arts.

When I was young and considering my pathway ahead for work and careers I had been tempted to and initially tried to follow an artistic avenue but soon realized that the pressure and stress ensued from having to create on demand took away from the pleasure that I thought I was getting from my passion. Along with the fear of not being able to make a living for myself. I did what many have done. I chose the safer, more traditional and dependable route, a profession which I flourished in until retirement.

I’m old enough now to understand that being passionate about your job or being a conscientious parent always had an element of service, stress and hard work that would eat away at the pleasure you gained. I have also long recognized that there have been things that I have done emulating the saying “it’s like riding a bike…. you never forget how” like reading, listening to music and riding my bike but they were not my true passions. They were easy automatic go to activities like comfort food telling me this will feel good.

Some passions require more effort and time. They are squashed away just itching to get out. Revisited at times reminding you of their importance and value but then missed bringing you disappointment when they become unsustainable. That was my experience during a large part of my adulthood occasionally grasping at opportunities to draw or write while being consumed in family life and workloads leaving me frustrated with my inability to create at a level that I would be happy with.

Instead, more time and effort went into exposing my daughters to a variety of experiences and encouraging them to chase those young dreams that might turn into passions later in life.

Not things that they were necessarily the best, fastest, or smartest at, but the things that they really liked to do and would help propel them through life. It was exhausting at times keeping up with their personal journeys of self-discovery often at the expense of my own it seemed at the time. But it was worth it, and the payoff has been great because my adult children do fall back on those childhood pastimes when they can do so for pleasure. Some things have been left behind perhaps to be rediscovered in the future, others have been maintained and incorporated into their busy lives. Enjoyable and easy to do activities that make them feel good because there is a history there.

A late winter morning, nineteen-ninety something and it was still cold outside. The weekend edition of the newspaper was brought in the house. After dusting off the snow we opened it up and to our family’s surprise and delight there was my daughter’s artwork published on the front page next to the headlines. Having entered a weather watcher contest she was an excited and proud 6-year old that day. When I shared that image with her recently, she told me that at the time she thought she was a famous artist!

Fast forward nearly 30 years and that same daughter still finds creating and crafting makes her feel good. Far removed from her personal and professional roles and responsibilities allowing those passions back into her life even just for a little while helps lift her spirits and maintain her stamina for daily life. Haven’t we all been there and done that?

You may not be able to explore your passions fully at every stage of your life, but you should always be watching for the signs and listening to your heart. In time hopefully my children too will recognize what I am discovering now later in life, my own true passions are still waiting for me!

Last year now in retirement I decided to join an Urban Sketchers group of local artists that met once a month on location to draw, share their creations and socialize. I had only been to two of these events and was thoroughly looking forward to this opportunity once again grow and develop my artistic skills which for many years had not moved past the budding stage. Then the pandemic hit and curtailed all social gatherings.

Another disappointing attempt at rekindling an old passion I thought. Until with some consideration the group decided to continue drawing solo and posting online for the group with designated themes or locations each week.

So for nearly the past 52 weeks every Saturday during this pandemic I have been drawing sometimes on location, sometimes in my car, or as winter settled in sometimes within my own home. Each week I have shared my sketches online with strangers that have oddly become my online audience and friends. It has been a rare positive outcome of and a wonderful experience of this Covid year for me. This has become a routine activity that I have chosen to keep doing, look forward to and really care about.

It has required dedication and effort, but I have welcomed sketching every weekend because it lifts my spirits and takes my mind away from the current status quo for many precious moments. Gaining my full concentration, the time lapses and I’m lost in the process. I don’t need to be good at it. I value the feedback that my fellow artist acquaintances give to me, but I don’t need to feel recognized or famous.

When I post my sketches, I don’t do it to get praise. Doing it makes me happy and that is enough for me. I feel challenged, creative and left with a sense of accomplishment and joy.

I know a little secret now that I wish I could have shared with younger me much earlier in life. Somewhere over the retirement rainbow your passions are waiting for you! Hindsight would have told me not to beat myself up or stretch myself so thin at times trying to fulfill my passion projects that were quite unrealistic at that busy time of my life. If I could I would have told younger me to be more patient with yourself because your passions will find you.

Thank you for joining me.

Karen Boschee

Retired Teacher and Parent of 3 adult children

References: https://hbr.org>2019/10>3-reasonsitssohardtofollowyourpassion

With Covid-19 still wreaking havoc on all our lives I am particularly concerned about children living with immunocompromised family members during this pandemic. I have been a strong advocate for children’s mental health and wellness as both a parent and a teacher. So let’s talk about a young child growing up fearing every day that she would get sick and bring that illness home to a beloved parent. That was my own experience living with a chronically ill and eventually terminally ill parent.

I can imagine how stressful it must be for children navigating through daily routines amid Covid precautions and restrictions. Seeing red cautionary flags everywhere you go and in everything that you do almost without exception would be frightening. That’s a lot for a child to handle. When I was young it had a profound effect on me and left me with insecurities, odd little habits, lasting fears and phobias along with anxiety issues that although I have managed throughout my adult life remain the elephant in the room.

One of the biggest factors contributing to mental health problems is living through traumatic and negative life events. This unprecedented pandemic has been difficult for everyone and changed just about everything in our lives suddenly. Fearing germs and getting sick exaggerated and perpetuated over a long time will surely exacerbate anxiety and the development of more serious mental health disorders.

Knowing what I know now I can attribute many physical and emotional things in my past to anxiety. I grew up not only being afraid of getting sick but feeling guilty when I did get sick and had to be isolated feeling ostracized and alone. In retrospect I realize that the stress itself was also making me sick. Virtual learning has been a fortunate advancement for some of today’s children during this pandemic, an inconceivable option all those years ago. But I see the parallels as children with immunocompromised family members have learned that Covid is something awfully bad that everyone around them is fearing and protecting themselves from. It is undoubtedly creating immeasurable stress in their minds which could lead to serious anxiety disorders.

As I grew a bit older, I rarely talked about the serious problems we were experiencing at home with my mom’s declining health. In those days, things like that were kept private and sadly mental health issues didn’t warrant much concern. I know that I also didn’t want to feel the stigma of being different. I so yearned to live a “normal kids” life so I tried to hide my anxiety not always successfully. My parents did the best they could, but they were fighting their own inner battles and just trying to hang on and cope day to day. Terminal illness has it ups and downs and my mom eventually lost her battle with cancer after a seven-year battle. By then I was a teenager. I still rarely talked about my home situation even with close friends and never with teachers. I ask myself now why? I just soldiered on carrying a heavy load of anxiety.

We all need to be sensitive to and aware of the “cries for help”, changes in behavior, trouble sleeping, outbursts, attachment issues, fears, self-doubt any signs that children at risk may be struggling even when they are subtle. Children are unique and do not react and reason in the same way. Some children will be more resilient than others, think more positively, and have stronger support systems when impacted with negative life events and circumstances like this pandemic.

But, not all homes are created equal. The truth is we don’t always know what children are living with. We need to listen and learn. Provide them with compassion and support. It is so important to encourage trust, transparency and communication with all children. You may recognize mental health issues for what they are and other times be surprised by their existence and the root cause.

It doesn’t matter what age, gender, ethnicity or social class you are, there are immunocompromised individuals living amongst us all and many of them are parents. Think for a moment about the lives of children who are worrying constantly about their own actions, interactions and exposures with Covid. Compound that with being unable to control the behaviors of others and the environment around them and fearing the possible consequences. You have a recipe for increased mental distress.

Mental health problems occur when thoughts and feelings such as sadness, worry, anger and fear continue for a long time. When they intensify or become possibly inappropriate or overwhelming it can make it difficult for children to function at home, at school, with their peers or within the community. In these formative years if emotions get mixed up and out of control everything to learn and experience in life gets harder. Mental illnesses like anxiety disorders or depression should not be ignored in children.

We all should become more literate in mental health awareness so that we can promote good self-care and know how to access and recommend professional support when it is appropriate. We need to teach children to identify, understand and express their emotions so that they will be more able to communicate what they are feeling to others. Not all issues can be easily resolved but helping a child obtain support and regain a more positive perspective on life will strengthen their coping skills and allow them to become more resilient.

Listen supportively without judgement and tell them that help is available and that things can get better. Ultimately every child needs to feel loved, understood, appreciated and valued. They also want to feel that they are connected to their friends and classmates. Communication is so important when dealing with a child having emotional issues like anxiety. Seeking out help from mental health professionals likely would be a positive move for any family dealing with big issues especially during this pandemic.

The reality is that some family circumstances are out of our control and they will impact our overall well-being and that includes our mental health. Sometimes help is needed. Teachers, school staff, and coaches along with parents are usually in the best positions to notice when a child is struggling with mental health issues. But with pandemic disruptions and restrictions, fluctuating in person and virtual at home learning plaguing this past school year vital connections and lines of communication have been diminished in their effectiveness. I worry that this may worsen things for children and adolescents who are left dealing with difficult issues on their own feeling stressed and alone.

The elephant is in the room for many. To maintain the mental health and wellness of children should always be a priority and a responsibility that we must fulfill. But sadly it will be yet another huge challenge during this pandemic.

Thank you for joining me.

Karen Boschee

Retired Teacher and Parent of 3 adult children

After several discarded attempts to post something relevant or appropriate over the past couple of months here I go again!  Truth is I needed to take a pause.  We are all charting new ground these days and the stress and fatigue of the past years events is getting taxing on us all.  Quite frankly with Hindsight is Always 2020 being the title of my blog I came to the realization that with the unprecedented nature of this pandemic the likes of nothing I have yet seen in my lifetime I was at a loss for words of wisdom and good parenting advice.

A temporary rest in speech or action.  A momentary hesitation because of doubt or uncertainty. A brief stop or delay before continuing on. All these definitions for the word “pause” are so appropriate when living with the consequences of Covid.  Like many I have been prioritizing and considering what is really important in life.  I have been looking back trying to use my background knowledge.  I’m also asking myself what is to be learned from all of this?

A Christmas message in a card from one of my adult daughters sums it all up.  2020 sure has been a different year for everyone.  Glad that you and dad have made it through and now we can hope for much better times in the coming year!  I love you and still need your advice and support despite being a grown up now myself.  You are always there for me and I hope you always know how grateful I am. You are loved and appreciated more than you’ll ever know.

If that doesn’t motivate me to continue to do everything that I can to stay safe and healthy this year I must be missing the point.  Covid 19 has cast a shadow on our lives but whenever possible we have been encouraged to find the joy in our own family story.  My thoughts finally started to take shape when I noticed two very old posters left up on a bulletin board in my empty nester spare room/ office. One was a Print Shop Delux creation of a favorite saying I had made years ago with my first color printer. The other was a good problem solving strategy acquired early in my teaching days that still applies to almost anything. This has certainly been the year of problems requiring a series of evolving solutions. Sounds a lot like life. Once again I am learning that the point is not to do remarkable things each day but to do ordinary things recognizing their immense importance.  Just being there for your children during this pandemic needs to be every parent’s priority.

I am so thankful for my home and family this year.  I have shelter from this storm and people that I love.  Having strong family ties has helped  us get through these tough times.  Sharing experiences within my family bubble socially distanced or virtually has given me comfort, consistency and purpose knowing that I am not alone.  Recognizing the things that I love in life and finding resourceful and safe ways to keep doing them has been a challenge.  But, the joy received is a positively contagious thing for all of us to catch especially during these Covid times.

So how can we focus more on the ordinary things that are so important?  Slow down life isn’t a race it will be more like a marathon.  You need to pace yourself so you can protect your precious cargo and that includes yourself!  Regardless of what stage in life you are at you can’t do everything so stop trying!  That is certainly an understatement as we have been forced to navigate through 2020 trying to stay economically, socially and mentally afloat while remaining healthy and sane!  Don’t lose your inner spirit and drive. Put things in perspective and prioritize based on the consequences of your actions.  You can’t care for others if you don’t take care of yourself first.  Eventually your gas tank runs dry.  I have needed to remind myself often to slow down and think.  We are in a marathon stretch right now.  Conserving my mental energy has been imperative and is enabling me to persevere using common sense to change my habits and follow the required public health regulation with greater patience.  You can’t be a super mom or dad everyday. Focus on the finish line and do the best you can.

Choices will need to be made.  Do overs are rarely an option in life.  There will be setbacks, regrets and hiccups along the way and everyone hits the wall occasionally along the journey and has to regroup.  More than any other global event before in my lifetime this pandemic has triggered the reset button forcing us to make changes and learn new lessons.  Routines and interactions have been curtailed and life has been turned upside down.  Always use your past experiences to prepare and plan for challenges in life.  That has helped me numerous times in the past.  Learn to be resourceful and flexible so you can adapt more readily to imminent or unexpected changes.

Support your family unconditionally.  Don’t underestimate the value of coming home to family.  As you get older and witness or live through more of the bright and dark days that life can send your way you begin to gain a greater understanding of the frailty, the vulnerability and the precious nature of a life.  As we race along further in life we start to consider the consequences of decisions we make or actions we take with a more fine toothed comb. 

Counting your blessings and holding those dear to you close is always a good recommendation.  It’s been hard to do that lately but try to cherish those monotonous, momentous and memorable things you can do especially this year because 2020 will become a “where were you 911 iconic and historic year that will be referenced to well beyond my lifetime. You never know what will be in store for you around the next corner. Covid has unfolded upon us like a giant shadow and put our lives at times into chaos and uncertainty.

What we will enjoy in the future is largely the result of whatever we put into it right now.  It takes patience, commitment and time but consistent effort will reap most rewards.  In time your children will grow into adults as mine have.  Covid will no longer control our every move and rule our lives.  Hopefully your family will have a flourishing relationship and friendship that continues to grow and gives you all strength and support for years to come.  Despite my own parenting concerns and doubts  my children grew up!  Be proud of your accomplishments in life. Taking care of yourself will always help you be a better parent.  Keep nurturing yourself and those you love.  Together you will get through this.

There are restrictions and limitations.  Cancelations and postponements have become the norm.  Things are moving slower. There’s no place to rush to most days.  We have all been forced into a reset mode.  Be patient and take a pause.  I will say it again because it is important to count your blessings and savor your good health.  The pandemic is asking us to show that we have learned and that we can adapt during this intense juncture in the marathon.  There will be times in life when being a team player is necessary whether we like it or not.  This has been such a year.  A collaborative effort is what will see us through this pandemic and so much more planning.

As I continue to shelter at home I am remembering that a life well lived is one where you stay true to your passions and what is important to you. I will keep doing those important ordinary things and continue to be there for my children.  I know that I will need to take a pause some days but hopefully my wisdom and perseverance can lead by example doing what is right to protect my family, those around me and myself during this fight against Covid 19.

Thank you for joining me.

Karen Boschee

Retired Teacher and Parent of 3 Adult Children  

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Parents continue to be anxious about how they can support their children’s learning at home during the pandemic. You’ve heard it before, but this simple advice is worth considering once again. Just keep reading! Life gets complicated and sometimes when we are parenting, we need to concentrate on what is most important and what comes easily. Be an advocate for reading within your home. There is a big connection between reading skills and school performance.

Becoming literate begins at home and it takes time and lots of hard work to raise a reader. Parents need to understand that kids don’t just acquire this essential skill at school, overnight magically, or by the end of the third grade. We know that children learn more when they can actively and consistently participate in the learning process. Practice, practice, practice is what will help your son or daughter learn how to read better. Daily reading at home as well as at school can establish positive routines that will have a life-long pay off for your child.

I have fond memories of a special evening early in each school year when my teaching colleagues and I would host a READ IN Pajama Party in our school library. We invited our grade 1 & 2 students and their parents. The kids thought it was cool coming back to school at night dressed in PJ’s. Seeing their teachers and moms and dads all dressed in pajamas too was fun. We read stories aloud, talked about the importance of reading with children at home and then encouraged each family to pick a book and find a quiet corner to read.

Reading is a vital skill. Learning to read well is critical for future academic success. As a now retired elementary teacher I always knew that I was doing important work. My classroom walls had multiple posters encouraging my students to read. “Open up the pages of your imagination and READ! BOOKs are food for your BRAIN. Some of my best friends are BOOKS!” Yes, it was propaganda and important messaging that I wanted my students and their parents to see. Teachers know that parents play an important role in their children’s education and especially with reading.

I believe that if you learn to read then you will forever read to learn more. We can’t escape it reading is everywhere. We read for information, to increase and enhance our vocabulary and expand our background knowledge. Reading facilitates communication and fosters thinking skills. It is required to function in society in countless ways from following directions, using a map, reading street signs and advertisements, following recipes for cooking or instructions for taking medications, using a computer, visiting websites and other social media sites and sources, to even just texting a friend on the phone. The list is endless and all of it requires competent reading skills. Looking ahead it is hard to think of a role, a job or a profession that your son or daughter may aspire to that doesn’t require literacy skills.

So when you feel tired or frustrated with this Covid schooling year just keep reading. Home reading programs are part of most elementary language arts programs aimed at encouraging children to read beyond the classroom. Developing a love of reading and an appreciation for books at home is a bonus because reading can also give you pleasure and be a source of relaxation. For some people and children too, books can be a calm, safe and comforting place to go.

Speaking from personal experience as a parent of three girls, now adult women and still avid readers. I really believe that reading can help build relationships and make memories, too. Reading together gives closeness with your child and is a relaxing positive way to spend time at home. At the same time you are providing more literacy experiences. Someday they may share favorite books with you and hopefully go on to share that love of reading with their own children. We all know that kids and parents alike can benefit from all the love and support they can give each other especially during these challenging Covid times.

Books are not toys but children should enjoy being around them. There is still a collection of old favorites filling a bookcase in the basement of my home just waiting for another reading someday. I think we had the entire set of 1990’s Berenstain Bear and Franklin books. The Magic School Bus books taught us so much about life and the world around us. Arthur and his faithful friends took us through the trials and tribulations of growing up. Every season and holiday had its favorite stories. The witty rhymes of Dr. Seuss and the beautiful illustrations of Jan Brett and may other gifted authors and artists were timeless.

Choosing the books and settling in on the couch for bedtime reading was a must in our home. I regret that at times this busy working mom was almost too tired to read aloud and I may not have embraced the specialness of each evening spent together but it was a routine that was maintained. One daughter to this day still reads at bedtime or other quiet times during her busy days. Not me sadly at this age! It would put me right to sleep but I still plan for regular reading time during my day. Even when my daily schedule was very full and hectic I always had a book with me that I could pull out because reading can take you away for a few moments when you just need to take a break.

We also visited the library regularly and spent lots of time browsing through bookstores. As the kids got older reading together at coffee shops was a special time that I enjoyed with my daughters. Harry Potter generation kids who are now in their twenties and thirties still love those books and the subsequent movies. They remember from childhood eagerly awaiting each new book in the series, standing in long lines at the bookstore to purchase them and then taking turns reading them over the summer. It was a big deal! Those are powerful memories. It’s still like comfort food for their brains.

Then there was the Twilight craze that hit the bookshelves and and silver screen. We all read them including mom! I chuckled recently when my youngest daughter texted me to ask if we should go together to purchase the new book that had just been added to the series written from a new perspective. At the age I am now I did have to tell her that perhaps I would pass this time on the Team Edward vs Team Jacob and Bella classic love story, but she could share her impressions with me anytime. All these years later sharing what books we are reading and what is new or popular at the bookstore is still fun.

When I was teaching storytimes were part of everyday at school. My afternoon class always started off with a read aloud time, often a chapter book whose plot twists and turns would unravel over several days as the kids settled in after lunch recess. Sometimes less is more and kids appreciate when it is easy for them to enjoy the learning. Reading aloud models fluent language for children in a simple and calming way.

Reading is so much more than just sounding out words. It is a complex thinking process. Parents and children practice their listening and communication skills while reading. It’s an uncomplicated way that parents can truly build on what their child knows to facilitate new learning. Just keep reading but remember to check for understanding, too.

Making connections and building meaning is so important for understanding to occur when listening or reading. Teachers ask their students to make predictions and compare or contrast all the time. Character analysis and problem-solving tasks are part of every school language arts program. The 4 R’s are commonly used to check for understanding. Recall, retell, reflect and relate. These processes get children to use increasingly more complex thinking skills.

Teaching reading is a learned skill, but parents can participate in the process. With my grade 1 & 2 students I developed a simple acronym “Let’s R.A.P.P” to promote good reading comprehension. READ it. ASK questions. PICTURE it in you mind. Then PUT it into your own words. Simply said think, talk or write about what you have been reading. There are ways that parents can support their child’s learning. Try adding to your own toolbox and bump up some of your storytimes with more discussions and other literacy-based tasks when reading aloud with your children or when your child is reading to you. But, keep it stress free and fun.

If you learn to read well, then you will forever be able to read to learn more. So, parents during these unprecedented Covid times hold your children close and just keep reading! That will help support all school learning. Let your sons and daughters see you reading, too. This is something that is important for all kids to grow up with. Remember that this is your home not school so be patient and accepting of their attempts at reading by giving them positive feedback and gentle prompting. Don’t expect perfect reading especially from young children. Instead put the emphasis on the understanding that is crucial and the LOVE of READING that may last a lifetime.

Thank you for joining me.

Karen Boschee

Retired Teacher and Parent of 3 adult children

Reminisce and reflect with me.

Every year during August vender trucks start appearing in our city and setting up shop in the corners of neighborhood retail parking lots.  Big bold signs advertise their renowned corn and where it is grown in our province.  When the trucks come, urbanites flock to them in droves.

You can find corn growing in many places across this vast country or buy it at the grocery store.  But, one summer in nineteen ninety something after one of my young daughters again requested corn on the cob along with cake for her birthday dinner, we decided to show our kids where that delicious corn was really grown.

Our family of five squished into our crowded sedan and hit the highway for nearly a six-hour drive, yes still in our own province!  Such a simple idea that made a little girl incredibly happy and a cheap summer road trip that still sticks in my mind all these years later.  Even though I can’t find that photo I remember the moment when we stopped along the highway, climbed down into the ditch to marvel at the height of the corn stalks and the sheer expanse of the farmer’s vast fields to pose for a family photo.

Long before and without pandemic restrictions, staycations and road trips were what our family could afford and all the time we could take in our busy working lives for holidays.  We live in a beautiful province in Canada as many of my readers do.  Camping was never our thing but there were  always plenty of places and home-grown experiences that we could explore. By the end of the decade our newly acquired mom-mobile mini van was welcomed into our family and became our primary mode of travel.

Even within our own city we supported local tourism sites, attended arts and cultural festivals and made good use of hiking/biking trails and other public parks and recreation amenities.  Indoor gyms and play rooms, a novel new idea back then, were just starting up.  The zoo, our library summer reading programs, day camps, and YMCA swimming lessons were favorites.  TGIF on TV, big summer Disney blockbusters at the movie theaters or local video store visits so each kid could pick a VHS tape for movie nights were great summer homegrown sources of entertainment for our children.

That old jigsaw puzzle of the world was a favorite challenge sitting at the dining room table for my girls.  It still sits on a shelf amongst the retro board games from years gone by that bring us happy memories of a world with simple pleasures for children.  During the childhood years staycations and road trips were how our family spent most summers. That’s all my kids had for adventures until they were teenagers.  And, it didn’t hurt them one bit!  My adult daughters have all traveled since to places around the world and have many memorable experiences that they will carry with them for life.  

Simple pleasures that are meaningful and fun are what kids want to do.  Three small yellow and red life jackets still hang from the rafters in my basement. When children are young, they love to be active. Finding them a pool to swim in or a playground to explore were the summer activities they appreciated the most.  Those life jackets got a lot of use at hotel water slides, the YMCA and a huge waterpark that we visited frequently.  When I see them, it brings back pleasant memories of summers gone by.

When your kids are happy and engaged parents can relax and enjoy more of their own down time.  I’ve hinted about this in previous postings and hindsight soon brings every parent of adult children to the conclusion that the gift of time spent with your children is what you will both appreciate more in the future. 

Raising children can be a remarkably busy and demanding time in our life. It will always be important to take time away from work and routines.  Vacations and holidays can improve physical and mental health, strengthen relationships, increase our motivation and performance, and give us a break in life so we don’t burnout.

But vacation sabotage is a real thing especially when you have children in tow.  Recreational time that is too full of to-do list and obligations nullifies any positive benefits of rest and relaxation and sounds a lot like work, doesn’t it!

Personally, I am a homebody and the process of packing for any trip is stressful.  Some people just love to travel.  I have never felt like I needed to leave home to be able to fill my time with pleasurable activities.  This point of view has not been shared by all the members of my family.  I do remember returning to work exhausted and irritable instead of feeling rested and energized after many long weekend and holiday breaks.

In time individuals learn what kinds of vacations feel right for them.  But, for young children in a family let’s face it they are just coming along for the ride and that in itself can be problematic if you don’t keep it simple and fun.

Embrace the staycation and think local when you can.  Maximize family fun time rather than travel time.  But when travel is calling you and you have a destination in mind or maybe you are planning to visit grandparents, relatives or friends here are some suggestions from the experts.

Think about what makes you feel good and examine what you genuinely want to do that will make you feel relaxed, restored and regenerated.  Taking time for recovery will enhance your resilience and success in life.  By taking time to fill our own tank you can avoid burnout.

Start to gear down your brain ahead of time with mindfulness activities that will help you disconnect more and reduce your stress.  Try to reduce your online dependence.  Habits of the mind are not easy to break in the few days of vacation that we may have.  The saying “stop and smell the coffee!” comes to mind once again.  Words of wisdom.

I can remember many times dragging school marking or lesson plans with me on the weekends and on holidays. In hindsight that seems so counterproductive and sad.  That was time that I did not focus on what was most important and participate more with my family.

Don’t ruin your vacations by taking work with you believing that you are going to get caught up!  How relaxing can that be?  How much fun is that for those around you?  Focus on you and your family and your holiday time together.  Stop worrying about what you are missing or not getting done. 

Now in retirement, which is perceived by many as the big vacation, I find that I often still put pressure on myself to keep being productive and maintain my routines.  I fill my schedule with tasks and obligations.  Work is something that becomes ingrained in our minds and yet currently my most happy days almost always have included times when I have been riding my bike, walking my dogs, doing my artwork, reading a good book, writing my blog or spending time with my family or friends.  These are things that I genuinely like to do and now finally I have more time to do them.

Back in nineteen ninety something I may not have fully understood the importance of resiliency and rejuvenation, but I did know that sometimes less could  feel like more.  So, a three-day long weekend, a staycation or a short road trip with children was far less stressful and much more relaxing and fun because you didn’t have to plan and prepare with such manic intensity.

Wherever your staycation or road trip takes you this summer make it easier for yourself.  When you get there sit down and pick up that book you’ve been wanting to read while you keep an eye on those precious little ones doing what is fun for them.  Favorite books saved for summer reads, have joined me on my holidays over many years and now adorn my bookshelves creating good memories themselves.

Understanding that simple pleasures that are meaningful and fun are what kids really want to do is important because when they are happy and engaged you can relax and enjoy yourself more.  Unfortunately, it takes time and wisdom to grasp this concept because life’s complicated and we often tend to make it harder for ourselves than it really needs to be.  Time however marches on so this summer especially, focus on your family and what you want to do together to feel happy and regenerated.

 

Thank you for joining me.

Karen Boschee

Retired Teacher and Parent of 3 adult children 

Additional reading suggestions:  https://www.forbes.com/sites/sarayoungwang/2018/07/05/how-to-actually-have-fun-on-vacation-and-return-to-work-refreshed/#54c6ad3e17f8

https://www.alinahealth.org/healthysetgo/thrive/importance-of-taking-vacation

 

 

 

 

 

You’ve heard the saying “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree”.  Children learn from the significant people around them.  As parents the words we choose and the words we use really do matter.  A child’s mind is like a blank sheet of paper ready to be written or painted on.  The innocence of youth is precious and pliable like a newly opened container of playdough ready to be molded.

Amidst the collective consciousness reboot we are currently all living through in society a productive reminder that communication skills are an integral part of any learning environment is truly relevant.  It is the primary method by which children acquire the beliefs, norms and knowledge basis of their society.  Our words and the way we teach our children at home can help change attitudes one generation at a time.

As a parent you are their first and most influential teacher and role model.  We all want to believe that we have communicated appropriate views to our children so that they will grow up to be responsible, respectful and productive human beings.  What are the messages that you are sending out to your children each day that you communicate with them?  Remember the power of your words speaks volumes about the kind of person you are and what you believe in.  Teach your children well!

Words become nourishment for young brains and a source of information.  They can help a brain to grow and function normally or they can be used as cognitive, emotional or social weapons.  At home it is all about your attitude, intent and your own mindset.  What do you bring to the table every day when you sit down for a family dinner? Are you serving up healthy verbal food for thought?  Are you promoting a shared understanding of social norms, beliefs, ideas and moral attitudes which operate as a unifying force within society?  Are you filling up glasses with words of wisdom and encouragement or are you spreading your interpretation of the truth that meets your own standards and beliefs?

Like most people my age I grew up the product of a different era with baggage from prior generations of old views, values and bad habits.  The world that I grew up in was different from the one that my parents were raised in and similarly my own children have grown up in a world that keeps evolving with greater inclusivity and a new normal that has emerged on the surface and yet we see that in many situations it still harbors old-fashioned beliefs at its core.

I remember inappropriate vocabulary being used in my own childhood home and my only at school black friend that sat behind me in the third grade.  There were the surprised and uncomfortable expressions on some family members as a black minister read our wedding vows.  In my early teaching days decades ago there were only one or two black, immigrant or indigenous  children amidst a sea of whitebread students in my suburban school.  At face value since then we have embraced the notion of multiculturalism in many of our institutions but obviously much of that has been superficial only for some in society.

As society changed, I have made a conscious choice to try to change with it.  As a parent I have tried to maintain a progressive stance and embraced a more equitable and inclusive world.  Being a willing lifelong learner is a healthier way to approach life.  Not perpetuating the sins of our fathers and mothers so to speak.  I have made every attempt that I could to not pass down judgmental and intolerant views to my children.  I have tried to educate and counteract exposures to such beliefs and behaviors that my daughters have experienced because I know that  prejudice and hate is something that is taught.

As children witness and participate in family conversations, they are acquiring knowledge and absorbing patterns of behavior at the same time.  Learning is like that some of it is picked up through direct instruction and modeling and some of it just seems to be digested through osmosis. That is why words can be a source of support and encouragement for children or they can influence and harm them and have a lasting impact.

Your words are one of your most powerful parenting tools.  How you choose to use them can have significant consequences for your children.  Are your words being helpful to those around you?  Are you positive and polite, open and honest, hopeful and empathetic, loving and encouraging?  Are you teaching your children to make good choices in this world and stand up for what is right and fair?  Or are you causing harm by using slanted, inaccurate, insensitive and inappropriate words with critical or rude tone?  That is not constructive communication.  What you say and how you say it really does matter.

One of my daughters expressed to me many years ago that I had not been listening to her lately and it was bothering her.  I never forgot that comment.  Now, that is something that I still hear occasionally decades later, and it reminds me that children shouldn’t be the only ones doing the listening and the learning.  Communication is the key.

When parents do not lead with integrity, they are not setting a good example for their sons and daughters.  I know that there have been times when I have not used my words well, displayed unacceptable behaviors and portrayed negative attitudes around my children.  I am not proud of those moments, but it is the tone that you set over time that really affects kids.  What I am proud of is the principled adult women that my children have grown up to be.  Our words and the way we teach our children at home can help change attitudes one generation at a time.

Thank you for joining me.

Karen Boschee  

 

 

 

Does a child really need a hero?  Brave, strong and smart characters abound in children’s make-believe worlds.  But, what about the real world?  With the COVID19 pandemic that seems like a silly question and an understatement!  The recognition of everyday heroes is making the news daily.  My husband has become my hero when he volunteers to glove and mask up to go grocery shopping because I am feeling nervous to do it myself!

Heroes are usually role models that people emulate because they have accomplished, survived or overcome something in their lives.  They help us understand the world around us and teach us important coping skills that can help us live better lives.  Children may learn about extraordinary, compassionate and courageous heroes but, who are these people to a young child?

Let’s face it, changes in life can be hard and unsettling especially for children.  Now more than ever parents need to inspire calm and show their children how to face and overcome adversity and obstacles in their life journey.

Heroes emerge in tough times and deal with situations in positive ways.  These are unpresented times we are all going through that will likely have a lasting impact on our children.  Parents who are staying calm and patient while being resourceful will be the rock that they can cling to or the anchor that will keep them from being swept away with their feelings of uncertainty, anxiety and fear.  The truth is looking back on these COVID times most parents will discover that they have been, perhaps without being celebrated or praised, the real unsung heroes in their child’s life!

I am proud of all three of my adult daughters who are now brave essential service front line public health workers going to work each day during this pandemic.  They have grown up to be dedicated, competent and resourceful individuals in each of their chosen professions.  I can no longer keep them safe on that rock.  They have climbed down and are weathering the storm of this crisis along with their colleagues.  At my age now roles have been reversed and I am the one sheltering at home trying to stay healthy.

It has been my own personal experience that you can’t sugar coat life.  I learned to be a stronger and more resilient adult because I had to face difficult times and loss when I was a child.  Being around others who are experiencing life’s challenges can be a powerful and influential learning experience.  Children who are too sheltered may find it harder to cope with adversity as adults.

Life is not always going to be a “piece of cake” that is wonderful, kind and fair.  Children will unfortunately be dealt bad cards, given lemons and must cope with tough situations and challenges.  They will encounter difficult people and suffer disappointment, loss and adversity.  That is part of life!

Participating together in those defining moments within a family can be valuable learning experiences and help prepare children for their own future life.  Learning to live with the COVID19 virus pandemic will be another chapter in everyone’s family story.  Learning to remain positive, patient, compassionate, committed, resourceful and resilient will lead our sons and daughters towards stronger character development and more stable mental and physical health and wellness.

I have been seeing younger friends and relatives posting the wonderful things that they have had the opportunity to do with their children during this extended homebound time.  Parents everywhere are having to assume multiple roles as mom, dad, playmate, teacher and faithful friend.

A favorite quote that I have used before in my blog expresses in hindsight what I am trying to convey.  “The point is not to do remarkable things, but to do ordinary things with the conviction of their immense importance.”  Isn’t that what parenting is all about regardless of whether there is a pandemic.  Parents do what they need to do so that their family can survive and stay healthy.

 These are confusing and stressful times.  As families self-isolate at home trying to stay healthy hang in there!  You don’t need to wear a big S for super on your chest.  Just stay strong in a gentle way.  It may be the simple little daily things that show your strength, courage and special skills!

It will be difficult and demanding at times, but you can be your child’s biggest hero!  When times are tough your children need to know that they can depend on you to be their rock and that you will not let them stumble and fall.  Your children are watching you and learning so don’t underestimate the significant role model you play as a parent.  YES, they do need a Hero like YOU!

 

Thank you for joining me.

 

 

Karen Boschee

 

 

 

 

Reminisce and Reflect with me.

Suddenly, one of my daughters sternly asked, “Why don’t you just quit your job mom and stay home!”  Strong words from a young child who was obviously craving more family time.  Home together decorating eggs and looking forward to Easter nineteen-ninety something.

Imagine that kids wanting to spend all their time at home with you!  Quality family time is always precious.  But that was an unrealistic dream for two working parents at that time.  So, we hugged our children, counted our blessings, savored the moment and carried on trying to make this home time special.

Who could have imagined there would be a time in our life when we would all be mandated to stay home for the greater good and catch up on all that family time?  Despite the many stresses of navigating the COVID 19 homebound crisis I do hope that many young families appreciate the gift of time together they have been given.  There is power in connections.

As we get older our need for associations continues but the opportunities to form new and lasting relationships become less.  Family ties make life richer and more meaningful.  Communicating, supporting and building strong emotional bonds with children when they are young is especially important.

I missed having some of those kinds of connections with my own parents and sister after too many moves and miles apart over years made the ability to support one another difficult.

The concept of “HOME” will be different for everyone.  Having been a teacher for many years I know that most young children look forward to home time and the comforts and shelter it provides for them.  Obviously, there are no guarantees, circumstances and events can change and influence family life but even then, there is always security found in consistency and love.

Some friendships may come and go over a lifetime but hopefully your family connections will last and become cherished and dependable friendships.  I knew that I did not want to be just a mom or a parent to my children.  I wanted to be their friend. 

I am not minimizing the significance or the responsibility of the parental role but when you are communicating with and interacting now with sons and daughters, consider how much you will all benefit in the future.  Active participation and time put into my family life during childhood and adolescent years has contributed to the quality of our adult relationships.  Valuable patterns of behavior established early in life will be more likely to be prioritized and maintained throughout a lifetime. 

I have discovered that it was the subtle little things I did consistently that may have had the greatest impact and influence.  As individuals your children will take separate paths in adulthood.  Try to have special times with each child in order to appreciate their uniqueness and create personal memories.  Be their biggest fan when the opportunity arises and a faithful companion in the quiet and challenging moments.

It has been a natural progression and expectation, that now although we lead separate daily lives, we should respect and maintain those important relationships and friendships.  Common interests, memories fondly shared, consistent holiday traditions, our love of books, favorite TV shows and chick flicks we watch, and our enduring love of the pets in our lives are some of the things that keep us connected in adult life.  We follow each other’s personal and professional lives and communicate often.  We still enjoy meeting for visits at a popular coffee shop with a familiar green symbol like we have been doing together since they were young girls.  The important thing is that we spent time together and established lines of communication and emotional bonds that continue today.

  As I sit alone at the same dinner table writing this blog where we sat together for many years watching TV and doing homework and being a teacher my own school work late into the evening I have been reflecting.  This is still HOME and it is a special place for me.  A comforting feeling in these uncertain times.  The circumstances are certainly quite different today, but this is not the first holiday my family has not been all together, and I know it will not be the last. 

I’m not as young as I used to be and navigating the isolation of COVID 19’s surreal social distancing lifestyle is challenging.  Countless families are experiencing the same longings to be with loved ones.  We have all had to be creative and work harder to stay in touch with each other.  Trying new ways of communicating, establishing different traditions and making new memories.  My dinner table may have fewer chairs around it, but I am thankful that my life still feels full because I have stayed connected with my children and involved in their lives.  

Taking out my Easter and spring decorations this year was like seeing old friends again and it made me feel good.  I have adopted the yours virtually mentality when communicating.  I opened the memories vault to share old childhood photos with my three daughters and sent them each an Easter Smilebox photo story.

I included the scratches on the front door and the stains on the old rabbit’s ear because well used things are usually a sign of something special.

If home is still a place that nurtures you count your blessings and take the time to share that feeling with your loved ones.  Send reminders often of the good times.  Not just at holiday times.  That is the power of connections!

Thank you for joining me.

Karen Boschee

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reminisce and Reflect with me.

Special Note:  My blog is often retro in nature and the idea for this posting came before the current social distancing and self-isolating global battle with COVID19.  Oddly it is now timelier and a stark reminder of how dependent we all are on our technology and social media in 2020.  With a computer in the house and our cell phones we are all staying much more connected than prior generations would have been able to do during this time of crisis.  That is a very comforting thing!

The 90’s is when I took my journaling habit to our home computer.  The robust word processing allowed for more elaboration and speed.  The file storage capabilities were a novel new bonus feature.  That journal has become the source of many of my reflections for this blog.  

I had some exposure to computers as a teacher at that time it was limited with only some schools exploring the luxury of having a computer lab.  In the early to mid-90’s relatively few homes had computers.

In our house two adults and three children shared that standard shade of gray big box monitor with the floor tower, floppy disc drawers, mesmerizing screensavers, detached mega keyboard and of course the sizable hand mouse and mouse pad.  That would seem totally unreasonable in today’s standards of efficiency, but we were happy campers having that new expensive toy with its multiple functions.

The economy was doing better in the 90’s.  A welcome oasis from what had been and what was unfortunately still to come.  People were spending more money and the interest in upgrading computer technology at work and at home was exploding.  The computer world in that decade was dominated by access to the worldwide web via the internet and Microsoft Windows revolutionary software.

Remember the sound of the dial up internet loading and connecting.  Netscape Navigator was likely your default browser and lining up to buy the latest version of Windows was like Boxing Day.  Think about all we take for granted now and how far the tech world has taken off and become an integral part of our lives.

Back in those early days computer favorites like Solitaire, Minesweeper and SimCity were played by the hours.  Our oldest remembers printing out carefully designed bookmarks and other treasures and playing Ski Free and the Beauty and the Beast game.  I just had a flashback to long printed banners I was able to make for my classroom. 

K-i-n-d-e-r-g-a-r-t-e-n in big black letters slowly crept through the printer on at least ten interconnected pages with holes on the sides that you had to carefully detach.  That was cool in those days!  The youngest loved all the Barbie computer games and the kid’s version of SimCity.  My middle daughter enjoyed Frogger and Pajama Sam.  She was also a fan of the Sims.  Santa Claus even became computer literate in the 90’s at our house leaving a delightful Christmas Eve message for our young daughters on the monitor screen.

I recently read an article written around Y2K that asked the question “Do home computers bring families together or isolate family members?”  The potential effects and uses of computers within the household were then explored.  It was interesting to reflect on the perceptions and predictions researchers made back then about the role computers would play in our future lives and then compare it with how technology has become a fundamental  part of homes today.

Computers were given a passing grade by considering the convenient and relatively inexpensive email communication and internet options, the wide variety of information sources available, the software programs to support learning and household management now on the market, combined with the new phenomenon of working at home aided by online technology.  Needless to say the depth and breadth of all the home computer  recreation, entertainment and games that children and adults were becoming more fascinated with and addicted to was growing exponentially. 

Confirming my own hindsight accolades for having a computer in the house when my children were growing up.  They do help family members learn, stay connected, manage their home and work lives and have fun too!

 

 

Becoming computer literate meant learning new skills and exploring new frontiers.  We all spent countless hours in front of that glowing screen reading, writing, surfing the net and playing games.  It was the 90’s and I think that our computer promoted and enhanced our children’s learning by getting them to use more literacy, numeracy, creativity, critical thinking and problem-solving skills.

 

At that time, we had no idea where all this computer technology would lead us to decades down the road.  It was the beginning of a whole new era of higher efficiency and expectations along with greater workloads and more stress.  The never really being unplugged times have now been with us for years.

“Do home computers bring families together or isolate family members?”  I think we have long since known the answer to that question.  They can do both depending on how they are used but that’s alright because technology has become so multifaceted and meshed into society.  The pluses far outnumber the minuses.  There is no turning back now nearly all children grow up with it, learn with it and embrace it.

As I sit quietly at home writing this blog on my much smaller and more portable personalized red laptop during this unprecedented COVID19 crisis I am indeed grateful for the advanced technology and social media we have in 2020. 

With a computer in the house I am feeling more informed about local and global news and events.  I am able to continue to manage most of my personal, household and business affairs.  I am still feeling connected to my family and friends, my church and work colleagues and with my blog readers.  That is a very comforting feeling.

 

Thank you for joining me.

Karen Boschee

Websites on this topic:  https://family.jrank.org/pagws/301/Computers-Family.html

https://community.spiceworks.com/topic/2014150-it-nostalgia-you-know-you-loved-computers-in-the-1990s-if

http://www.thepeoplehistory.com/90scomputers.html

https://www.statistics/184685/percentage-of-households-with-computer-in-the-united-states-since-1984/

 

 

 

 

Reminisce and Reflect with me.

Enjoying the winter wonderland around us we were on our way to the neighborhood tobogganing hill.  It’s nineteen-ninety something and the sledding was fun.  The hill was fast and full of snow suited youngsters with crazy carpets and saucers in tow.

Older kids had built a huge bump of snow into the slope to give it that extra blast of excitement.  Being a conscientious parent I spent the whole time worrying and carefully steering my girls around the hazard.  Everything was going great until the final ride of the day for my two oldest daughters.  At the last second, they caught the edge of the hill and veered right over that big bump!

I saw it happening and was helpless to intervene.  My heart sank as I heard the screams of anticipation and then sheer joy.  It was quite a thrill and an enormous spill.  Fortunately children bounce quite  well and everyone was fine.  Unexpected moments and experiences can sneak up on you.  Some are destined to become iconic childhood memories.  It couldn’t possibly have been planned or prevented but taking flight momentarily while sliding down that hill and landing flat on their backs and behinds was the most exciting part of the whole day for my kids.

A few weeks later I was driving home from a long day of teaching after picking up my girls from school and daycare.  We were in the midst of a bad winter storm.  It was going to be a challenging drive and I was suffering from a severe migraine headache.  Traffic was slow and the roads were slick.  Being sick is difficult for any working parent but this was truly memorable.

 

 

We needed to get home.  Struggling to keep going I finally had to pull over and only temporarily incapacitated threw up into the only thing I could grab, my favorite bright yellow woolen winter toque!  It wasn’t planned and it couldn’t be prevented but mom getting sick in her hat was the most dramatic event of that whole day for my kids.  

The snow kept falling.  Back in control and parental role we continued driving and eventually managed to get home.  My girls did their best to take care of me.  My youngest called it doctoring Mom.  If I were to show up today wearing a yellow toque I guarantee that my adult daughters would chuckle and then we would reminisce about that intense journey home in the car all those years ago.

You don’t have to be the perfect parent all the time and you won’t be the perfect parent everyday.  Imperfections help build character.  Challenges make us all stronger.  There will always be things that you can’t stop, can’t control and can’t change in your children’s lives.  Being there for your loved ones when they need you is what’s important.

Much older me is telling younger me that the precautions taken, the meticulous plans made and the hoops jumped through to make family life run smoothly may not always be remembered and appreciated.  But, people will remember many of those random shared spontaneous moments.

The old saying “Don’t sweat the small stuff” comes to mind.  Let it snow and chill out!  Look on the bright side. Snow always makes things whiter and lighter giving us a clean slate.  But snow does not last forever.  So rekindle those good memories.  Focus on what makes you feel good and go out and have some fun.

I recently did that exact thing.  I have always loved snow and winter.  When I was young I did a lot of ice skating with family and friends.  My own childhood memories take me back to skating with my dad on cold winter weekends. 

Haven’t done this since the 90’s with my own kids.  It’s twenty-twenty and last weekend I decided to enjoy the winter wonderland around me and I went skating again!

 

Thank you for joining me.

Karen