It was one of those epic snowy winter days common where I live. I had been home sick from work along with my two youngest children. We all had terrible colds but still had to bundle up and venture out to pick big sister up from school that afternoon. Arriving too late to garner a coveted parking space in front of the school begrudgingly I found one of the last stalls in the community hall skating rink parking lot at the far end of the school yard. Taking a child in each hand we trudged through the snow and entered the school just as the dismissal bell rang.
Still sniffling, we waited in the crowded nineteen-ninety something school hallway as it filled up with more parents and children milling about. My inquisitive often impatient middle child had slipped from my grasp to peek into classrooms close by. When older sister found us I thought we were all ready to navigate our way to the exit door. It had only been a few seconds but I felt a sudden surge of emotion as I turned around and discovered that my curious little monkey had disappeared! If you have ever been there, you know that indescribable fear and feeling of dread that a missing child brings into your life. This was always one of my greatest fears.
I tried not to panic and began searching the hallways and classrooms. Next, I ran outside to scour the immediate schoolyard. I was getting very worried so I asked several teachers to help while I made my way to the school office to report my child missing. My heart beat faster and faster as I heard the principal calling out my daughter’s name over the PA speakers. By now I was getting frantic and decided to leave my other daughters in the school office so I could head outside again to search around the building one more time. As I walked back towards our car parked in the rink parking lot way across the schoolyard, I thought I spotted a flash of purple in the distance. It was a little person in a purple snowsuit popping up from behind a snowbank, trying to hang on to a sign pole while intermittently sinking back out of sight in the snowdrift. I had found my daughter! She was cold and scared but waiting patiently by our car for Mommy and her sisters!
When I frantically shouted out her name my mind flashed back to losing that same child in the Sears department store at the mall not that long ago. After searching the clothing racks and aisles we found her seemingly unalarmed in an out of bounds staff washroom standing at the sink washing her hands. To think again that I could have lost someone so dear to me so suddenly made me gasp. Then the relief when I realized that my child was safe brought me to tears. Both of those experiences shook me to the core and left me wondering was I really going to lose my daughter some day?
Hindsight had not yet blessed me with insight and perspective and she is now, years later, a working mom herself. But, in that moment it was an upsetting incident in parenting and there would be many more to come. Impulse control was never easy for that child and drama often followed her around. That fear would return from time to time during the next several decades as my daughter grew up. I was coming to terms with and learning as all parents must do, that protecting my most precious cargo was not going to be an easy job.
Our kids are going to be unique individuals with brains and minds of their own. We can teach and guide them well but we can not control their every thought and move. On that snowy winter day according to my daughter she had popped into her sister’s classroom for just a few minutes to look around but when she came back out into the hallway she couldn’t find us. She thought that we had left without her! Scared but resourceful and brave she had gone outside to look for us but couldn’t get back in the school because the door was too heavy to open. That night at bedtime, after I had time to count my blessings and calm down I listened to her and I told her that she had been very smart to go back to our car to wait but that she should never have gone off on her own in the first place. Then we had a talk about the importance of staying together. What I was really thinking was thank goodness my daughter was safe but I had never dreamed that my child would leave the building without me. I was wrong.
Years later, my daughter would confide in me that her brain often thought differently than others. We would reminisce about those early disappearing incidents much to her disdain and embarrassment so we instead created a positive spin to it commending her on her resourcefulness when placed in a difficult situation. Some children will be more challenging to raise. Some may veer of course or follow a different pathway. The road may get bumpy and the journey may seem long. Some boundaries will be challenged. As parents we do not have control over everything and we are not entirely guilty or to blame for our children’s destiny and well being. But, we do need to keep the faith, try to be the best parents you can be and always listen to your children.
Karen Boschee
Mom, Grandparent & Retired Teacher
Hindsight is Always 20/20! Parenting tips. 