Mommy’s Get Sick Sometimes, too!

It’s daycare and school pick up time and Mom had another migraine! I’ve been blessed with many wonderful things in life but unfortunately cursed with bad headaches. We did make it home that day but I actually threw up in my favorite yellow winter hat while driving! That was over 30 years ago but it is a parenting memory that sticks with me because in that moment I was feeling quite desperate that I might not be there for my children when they needed me. I can honestly say years later that feeling never does go away even long after your kids have grown up and left the nest.

My children learned from a young age that I’m only human and sometimes mommy gets sick, too. Mutual consideration and caring for one another was a family value that we always encouraged. When I was suffering through one of my bad headaches my youngest daughter would often say “it’s okay mommy we can doctor you”. But, that day there was still that big problem of being the adult in the room and the fact that those three little girls sitting in the back seat couldn’t drive themselves home. Vulnerability is something that parents try so hard to avoid. Being unable to fulfill our responsibilities is a perennial fear.

In that journal posting I went on to reason that I would just have to wait until one of my girls was old enough to drive us all home when mommy gets sick. Fortunately, for migraine suffering moms like me our suffering became much more legitimized and treatable over the years. But, more importantly addressing parent’s physical and mental health needs have also been acknowledged. Due time and effort needs to be given to Mom and/or Dad to ensure that we can continue to be there for our children. Pushing yourself to always keep performing is not a healthy approach to parenting. We all have our vulnerable moments. Recognizing and accepting that you are not going to always be the perfect parent can be a valuable teachable moment for our children. Vulnerability is not something we should hide from our children because learning to recognize and accept our inner feelings will make us a mentally much healthier person. In a family it fosters the ideals of helping one another and working together to make things happen. Children learn by observing but more importantly by doing.

As my children got older if the going occasionally got tough for Mom they pitched in to help in whatever way that they could. I’m reminded of another bad headache parenting day a few years later when my mini van broke down on the way home amidst heavy traffic. My three children were older but still not driving so we all hopped on a transit bus with our backpacks in tow. Made it to the mall parking lot near our home where I proceeded to throw up again this time in a big garbage bin. Not looking like the best role model for mother of the year that day, when approached by a concerned security guard asking in a judgmental tone if “I was alright”? My girls were quick to defend and help me that day. Then we walked the rest of the way home together where they put me to bed because sometimes Mommy’s get sick, too!

Karen Boschee

Mom, Grandparent & Retired Teacher