Feeling Diminished

 

I’m still embarrassed to admit and angry with myself for missing the signs that my daughter had vision issues until she was in grade 4!  She was always good natured, capable, never complained and managed to adapt and cope until finally school issues began to emerge.  Don’t worry she’s fine that was nearly 25 years ago!

While attending another ophthalmologist appointment with her recently it got me thinking, if parents and teachers could miss a child having difficulty seeing in class, it’s  not surprising that emerging emotional problems in children may not be recognized and given attention to in a timely and effective way.  These issues can ebb and flow or may sometimes be hidden completely from view, like a new moon gone temporarily from the night sky.

Not all children come out of their childhood feeling fine and will navigate through adulthood, like the moon returning and repeating its journey over and over again, with mental illness.

Parents with the best intentions and parenting skills can miss or misinterpret things.  We are only human and can quickly slip into our busy routines and not notice the subtle changes in a son or daughter, like the waxing and waning of the moon above our heads. 

Don’t ignore the signs!  If you observe changes in patterns of behavior and sense that there may be an issue you need to become an advocate for your child.  Is their energy and enthusiasm for school and other social activities dwindling?  Has there been a change in school achievement?  Are they moodier and less motivated?

Does their self-esteem seem to be shrinking away?  Do they look physically or emotionally drained?  Are these emerging new behaviors giving you reason for concerns?

Dig deep to find the root of the problem and seek out appropriate help.  Mental illness can become a special need as real and important as any cognitive or physiological condition or disorder.  When children struggle with their thoughts and emotions and are no longer thriving it may be a symptom of anxiety or depression.  Imagine going to school day after day with all the inherent challenges found there and feeling this way!  Children suffering from mental health issues or illness are like a waning moon.  Gradually over time their strength, spirit and intensity decreases and their enthusiasm for everything in life begins to decline.

Now a retired teacher I tutor children who are having difficulty learning to read and write.  It has been my observation, almost without exception, that my student’s learning problems are just the tip of the iceberg when trying to meet their individual special needs.  School anxiety has become a real problem for many children.

During a reading assessment that I observed a twelve year old boy teared up as he struggled to decode words while desperately trying to maintain his composure as the building anxiety, embarrassment and anger caused by his failure to read created an emotional melt down within.  It was heartbreaking to watch.  How can his reading disorder not be affecting his overall well-being?

A colleague recently asked me to describe another student of mine.  His parents had shared with us that they were not only concerned about their son’s academic progress but also his overall well-being at school.  There had been a change in his behavior since the beginning of a new school year.  He was less motivated, more introverted and his grades had gone down.

Having worked already for over a year with this young boy developing a good rapport, building up his self-esteem, and improving his literacy skills by a full grade level, I told my colleague that this boy was feeling diminished at school.   She thought that was an excellent way to describe a child with learning and mental health issues.  Imagine going someplace day after day struggling with your own thoughts and feelings!  School was becoming hard again for this child.

Most educators know that creating a positive learning environment with early identification and remediation for individual special needs is critical for optimal learning.  I’ve been there and I know that this is a huge challenge in today’s large inclusive classrooms.  Sadly, some children struggle or fall through the cracks with immense and lasting consequences.

Promoting good mental health and supporting a child with mental health challenges should always start at home.  Before thoughts and feelings become overwhelming for your son or daughter here are some things that you can do.

LEARN MORE.  Mental health literacy and awareness has become much more recognized and accepted.  You can access information and seek guidance on how to help your child.  Learn more about the impact of mental health issues.

UNDERSTAND MORE.  Parents need to know what the risk factors are for mental illness so that they will be better able to recognize the warning signs and take action.

STAY CONNECTED with your children.  Initiate conversations and keep the lines of communication open.

Become an untiring ADVOCATE for your child.  Early diagnosis and intervention are very important.  Parents play a crucial role because professionals rely on their observations and insights when identifying disorders and recommending treatment plans.

TEACH your child how to identify what they are feeling and how to manage their emotions.  This will help improve their self-control and coping skills so they can think and behave more appropriately in situations. 

LISTEN and GIVE SUPPORT.  Make sure they understand that everyone can struggle with their feelings and sometimes they will need help from trusted and caring people around them.

POSITIVE THINKING is like a super power.  It is so important for our mental well-being.  Encourage the glass is always half full thinking and looking on the bright side within your family.

RESILIENT children given consistent love, nurturing and guidance can learn to cope, adjust and recover better when they are challenged.  Try to teach problem solving skills and let your children experience the impact and consequences of both positive and negative life events and circumstances.

SHOW your children the benefits and importance of self-care and mindfulness.  It is essential for good mental health.  Learning to take care of ourselves and managing stress is a vital life skill and should start at a young age.  Good nutrition, adequate sleep and exercise are obvious ways that we stay healthy and should be modeled and promoted at home.

FIND and use the resources, programming and accommodations that are appropriate for your son or daughter if learning problems are contributing to mental health issues.

Thriving children are enjoying life and feeling good about themselves.  If your child is feeling diminished like a waning moon, struggling with their thoughts and emotions, or displaying concerning changes in behavior you need to seek out appropriate help.

Don’t miss the signs!  School anxiety is a real problem for many children.  Mental illness can become a significant issue that will impact them for a lifetime.

But, with compassion and support children can begin to feel less diminished and learn to better manage their emotions.  Gradually they can grow stronger in spirit and once again full of enthusiasm for life. 

 

Thank you for joining me.

Karen