To set the stage for this post I will share with you that not many moms can say that they were also their children’s first teacher. That was indeed the unique reality of our family. I taught elementary school for many years including when my own three girls were young. When each of them started school they joined me in my kindergarten classroom. It just made sense for us at the time especially because there was a daycare at my school making child care so much easier until they were all in school full time. Maintaining resiliency was important and a priority for our mental and physical health. So for our family spending less time and stress driving in the car for pick up times and more time together during the day made taking my children to work with me a unique and memorable time for us all.
Although in my recollections most days went smoothly in our classroom on one occasion I remember a particularly heated daycare meltdown with one of my daughters. After school when I came to pick up my girls another child recognized their teacher and immediately came running over to give me a big hug and say good bye when my middle daughter suddenly and rudely intercepted him and said “NO” this is not your teacher this is MY MOMMY!” Obviously in that moment I was both mom and teacher but sometimes sharing is a hard concept for young kids. Sharing mommy was hard that day for my daughter. Actions usually speak louder than words but when both coincide pay attention and dig deeper for the real message being conveyed. Your child is needing something. Young brains have a lot of maturing to do and emotions quickly take over . Kids wear their hearts on their sleeve. There are times when every child just wants to feel special and demands your time and attention but needless to say that was not the ideal nurturing moment.
Looking back now I encourage tired and stressed moms and dads to savor those times when your kids are young and you are at the center of their universe. Too soon that will all change and you will become the one searching out time and connections with them as they lead their own full and busy adult lives. When parents recognize and accept the importance of their children’s emotions everyone’s mental health will more likely thrive. All children need some me, myself and I time with a parent. At home of course my kids competed for attention that’s normal behavior. One built a cave on her bed. Soon her sister tried to build a better cave. Next my oldest daughter wanted mom to color with her until the siblings soon showed up with crayons and coloring book in hand. Family life is a juggling act!
Over the years as my kids got old enough not only to show that they needed more time and affection from Mom they could tell me in precise detail how they wished that I didn’t work so much. That really makes a parent feel terrible. I am reminded of a very sad young daughter who was concerned that Mom wouldn’t be able to come to her parent-teacher conference afterschool because I was a teacher myself and would be doing the same thing working at a different school. I tried to reassure her that she was my priority that day and that I could do a pretty good job of juggling my work and home schedule so that I would be there in her classroom when she needed me. I did make it to her conference but there was some emotional capital lost that day. The truth was sadly that even after trying to be everywhere and everything to everyone my kids saw through that unrealistic goal. She was still worried! I guess I was still falling short in her eyes some days and that hurts.
Some days I did feel guilty for working and not being home with my own kids but being a working parent was a necessity in our family and teaching was always an important part of my life because it was something that I enjoyed and was good at which made me a happier and better parent in the long run. Mom’s have needs, too. It felt good to be doing something for me. But, being a supermom all the time is an unrealistic self-fulfilling fallacy. Something is going to fail and someone is going to suffer or be hurt or disappointed and that someone quite likely will be you, Mom. Try not to divide yourself into too many pieces or put too many eggs in your basket in a day. We all have our breaking points. My kids are grown up now and have family’s of their own. Grandma still tries her best to be everywhere and everything to support them when I am able because I know now from experience what a great juggling act family life can be.
Resiliency, dedication, wisdom, patience and most importantly love is what parents should be striving for not perfection. There is only one you to go around. It’s the universally wonderful imperfection of parenting and a valuable lesson for children to learn.
Karen Boschee
Mom, Grandparent & Retired Teacher
