Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say!

Tonight we almost ate dinner at Pizza Hut! How many times had I let things go in public with my own kids because I was being too soft and sensitive or just plain too tired. NOT TONIGHT! When my kids persisted in acting silly at the restaurant after a long day at work I had reached the breaking point. The leftover food was put into boxes, I marched them out to the car, and we went straight home. Say what you mean and mean what you say, Mom. Children need to learn to live within and not challenge boundaries that you set in life. Especially when your expectations are quite reasonable and appropriate. With greater consistency, guidance and practice polite restaurant behavior can be achieved and that’s a blessing for working moms some nights.

It takes time and consistency for children to learn behaviors. It won’t happen overnight. Case in point, later that same month I remember visiting the doctor’s office with two of my young children. They were perfect little angels throughout one child’s examination. She was a model patient and her overly curious but cute as a button devilish sibling managed to contain herself until we stepped back out into the waiting room. Chaos broke out. They both didn’t want to get their coats and boots on to leave. They wanted to play with the toys. They wanted to play chase and ended up hiding underneath the chairs in the waiting room. I was trying very hard to remain calm and in control, saying what I meant and meaning what I said, with many onlookers likely saying to themselves “look at those awful misbehaving children and their ineffective Mother”. In that moment I was furious and embarrassed as I dragged my kids out by their coat sleeves!

Children can be such a joy and such a pain all at the same time. Consistency will be a challenge but perseverance is the key to success. The truth is those people in the waiting room were probably feeling empathy for me and and like me years later, reminiscing about when they were back in your parenting shoes. As a parent, the reality is that most of the time I likely did say what I meant and meant what I said. I wasn’t perfect and not every day went smoothly but my children did learn and grew up just fine.

Karen Boschee

Mom, Grandmother & Retired Teacher

A Mouse in the House

This mouse was attached to the computer in our house! It was 1995 and not unheard of to have a home computer but still pretty rare and special! I recall waking up one Sunday morning to the sounds of a computer game already being played downstairs by one of my young children. Yes, this mouse along with a television style screen, gigantic keyboard, and an awkward but essential big box on the floor or desktop was the computer set up and it was powered up in our house for playtime and productive activity too from morning until nightfall.

The computer world in that decade was dominated by the world wide web access to the internet and Microsoft Windows revolutionary software. Remember the sound of the dial up internet loading and connecting. Netscape Navigator was likely your default browser. Back in those early days favorite computer games like Solitaire, Minesweeper and Sim City were played by the hours. My youngest loved the Barbie games. My middle daughter enjoyed Frogger and Pajama Sam. My oldest liked the Beauty & the Beast adventure game and began making and printing things off on the computer like bookmarks and other treasures. I was doing the same for my Kindergarten class printing banner messages in big black letters that slowly crept out through the printer on interconnected pages with holes on the side your had to carefully detach. Santa and the Easter Bunny were even becoming computer literate leaving intriguing messages for our children on those holiday mornings! The word processing capabilities were basic in today’s standards but I was embracing the possibilities in any way that I could in my personal and work life. Yes, we sure have come a long way since then with our technology!

In those days two adults and three children shared that one standard shade of gray big box monitor with the floor tower, floppy disc drawers, mesmerizing screensavers and of course sizable hand mouse and mouse pad. That would be unreasonable and completely unacceptable in today’s standards of efficiency, but it was the 90’s and we were happy campers just having that new expensive toy in the house with the multiple functions it offered!

At that time we had no idea where all this computer technology would lead us to decades down the road. The never really ever being unplugged times have been with us for years now. There is no turning back. Children grow up with it, learn with it and embrace it in nearly everything that they do. There are still a computers in my house but we no longer need the mouse and a mini one follows me nearly everywhere I go in my pocket or my purse. With a simple touch of a finger we can open up a world of information, complete a multitude of tasks and stay connected with people in our lives. Looking back I realize now that years ago my children and I were part of a generation of pioneers exploring a whole new frontier when that expensive new toy with a mouse came into our house!

Karen Boschee

Mom, Grandmother & Retired Teacher

Many Hands Can Make Less Work

This morning my oldest daughter helped my youngest daughter get dressed. Hugged and kissed her and sent her happily off to school just like a little mommy would! Then she said to me “You know I really like to do this.” That was a sudden halleluiah parenting moment for me written over 30 years ago when I realized all those days when my daughter had seemingly been in my way while I was dashing around the house trying to get everyone ready for work and school, I should have been letting her HELP MOM do some of the work that was causing me so much stress.

It can be easier, kinder and more productive to include rather that exclude your children from daily tasks in the home. Not to mention eliminating some of the many “No’s” in your life might actually ease the tension and make family days more pleasant for everyone. I admit I was and still often am a control freak and likely I was an intense bossy mom some days. But, I believed I was showing competence and leadership in that time and space. A common misassumption made by parents trying to do the best that they can, is that doing tasks yourself will be faster, better and easier. Sometimes this is true and necessary, but at other times your children may be missing out on valuable learning opportunities that will give them more confidence, incentive and skills that they will use to their advantage in the future.

Children learn by doing things. They will be expected to pitch in and help out at daycare and at school and years down the line they will need to function efficiently in a group, on a team ,at a workplace or in their own home. So why not start at a young age in your home? As a busy working mom I remember doing many of our domestic chores late into the evenings so that I could spend more precious quality time with my children. I have learned with age and observation that the definition of quality time can mean many different things. The key is doing things together.

Just this past week when my daughter, who is now herself a busy working mom, was Face Time visiting with me, and wanted to share one of her own young daughter’s favorite things to do in the kitchen with Mommy. I got quite a surprise. My granddaughter, still a toddler, was hovering over the pulled down dishwasher drawer, with reasonable care and supervision of course, helping to unload the dishwasher. Wow, I thought how cute, but also there’s the proof is in the pudding! Maybe there can be a better balance of mixing work and play together within the home. Encourage your children don’t discourage them. Practical experiences do pay off in the future. Teamwork is a good concept within a family, just as it is in so many other situations in life. Indeed many hands can make less work and more fun together, too!

Karen Boschee

Mom, Grandmother & Retired Teacher

Walk the Talk

Rules really are meant to be followed. That’s what one of my young daughters was reminding me of at the lunch table many years ago. “You don’t talk with your mouth full, Mom. We should put that up with the other rules in the kitchen cupboard.” Truth is our family did have a list of rules for good behavior pinned up on the inside of a cupboard door beside the sink. I must have not been showing perfect eating etiquette that day, but I was doing something right as a parent getting my kids to recognize what are appropriate behaviors in the world we live in.

We made up those rules together and we did read and review them occasionally throughout their childhood. The list eventually grew quite long and later on during the teen years we would chuckle and reminisce about their origins. My girls grew up and moved out of my home. But, the list remained there for years, a special reminder of times gone by for me each time I opened the cupboard, until home renovations and a new paint job put that old list into the memories box. I still chuckle when I come across them to this day 30 years later.

We learn from our mistakes and believe me we all made them on occasion but in our perfect world the house rules stated that you should: “Listen carefully. Talk with an inside voice. Be polite. No bugging people. Be nice. Help and cooperate. Be careful and play safe. No running, pushing, poking, hair pulling scratching, hitting, spitting, name calling, kicking or fighting! That one is a hilarious mouthful of don’ts followed by HAVE FUN! Help out. No touching people’s faces. Do not hurt people’s feelings. Chew with your mouth closed. No feet up at the table, sit nice! No toys at the table and no playing with your food. No playing ball in the house. Never walk away angry. A very cerebral expectation for young children I must say! And include everyone.”

Perhaps now I should mention that there may have been times that my own children wondered whether having an elementary school teacher for a mom was a blessing or a curse. That response likely depended on the situation or the day? And yes, my profession may have spilled off into family life just a little bit here and there but my intentions were always good! The truth is as parents we are always going to be our children’s first teachers and that is a very significant and fundamental role to play in their lives.

Don’t hide away your expectations. Make them know to your children and teach them everyday by setting a good example of behaviors yourself. An important part of every good teacher’s daily lesson plan is modeling and active participation. Classrooms are filled with learning prompts. No, you don’t need a visible list of rules at home, but encouraging our children and assisting them to recognize and exhibit good manners and behaviors should happen consistently during the formative years. Children learn from observing the people around them. It’s a vital part of the process. Eyes will be on you parents, so WALK the TALK and TALK the WALK daily.

Karen Boschee

Mom, Grandmother & Retired Teacher