Tag: family life

Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say!

Tonight we almost ate dinner at Pizza Hut! How many times had I let things go in public with my own kids because I was being too soft and sensitive or just plain too tired. NOT TONIGHT! When my kids persisted in acting silly at the restaurant after a long day at work I had reached the breaking point. The leftover food was put into boxes, I marched them out to the car, and we went straight home. Say what you mean and mean what you say, Mom. Children need to learn to live within and not challenge boundaries that you set in life. Especially when your expectations are quite reasonable and appropriate. With greater consistency, guidance and practice polite restaurant behavior can be achieved and that’s a blessing for working moms some nights.

It takes time and consistency for children to learn behaviors. It won’t happen overnight. Case in point, later that same month I remember visiting the doctor’s office with two of my young children. They were perfect little angels throughout one child’s examination. She was a model patient and her overly curious but cute as a button devilish sibling managed to contain herself until we stepped back out into the waiting room. Chaos broke out. They both didn’t want to get their coats and boots on to leave. They wanted to play with the toys. They wanted to play chase and ended up hiding underneath the chairs in the waiting room. I was trying very hard to remain calm and in control, saying what I meant and meaning what I said, with many onlookers likely saying to themselves “look at those awful misbehaving children and their ineffective Mother”. In that moment I was furious and embarrassed as I dragged my kids out by their coat sleeves!

Children can be such a joy and such a pain all at the same time. Consistency will be a challenge but perseverance is the key to success. The truth is those people in the waiting room were probably feeling empathy for me and and like me years later, reminiscing about when they were back in your parenting shoes. As a parent, the reality is that most of the time I likely did say what I meant and meant what I said. I wasn’t perfect and not every day went smoothly but my children did learn and grew up just fine.

Karen Boschee

Mom, Grandmother & Retired Teacher

Walk the Talk

Rules really are meant to be followed. That’s what one of my young daughters was reminding me of at the lunch table many years ago. “You don’t talk with your mouth full, Mom. We should put that up with the other rules in the kitchen cupboard.” Truth is our family did have a list of rules for good behavior pinned up on the inside of a cupboard door beside the sink. I must have not been showing perfect eating etiquette that day, but I was doing something right as a parent getting my kids to recognize what are appropriate behaviors in the world we live in.

We made up those rules together and we did read and review them occasionally throughout their childhood. The list eventually grew quite long and later on during the teen years we would chuckle and reminisce about their origins. My girls grew up and moved out of my home. But, the list remained there for years, a special reminder of times gone by for me each time I opened the cupboard, until home renovations and a new paint job put that old list into the memories box. I still chuckle when I come across them to this day 30 years later.

We learn from our mistakes and believe me we all made them on occasion but in our perfect world the house rules stated that you should: “Listen carefully. Talk with an inside voice. Be polite. No bugging people. Be nice. Help and cooperate. Be careful and play safe. No running, pushing, poking, hair pulling scratching, hitting, spitting, name calling, kicking or fighting! That one is a hilarious mouthful of don’ts followed by HAVE FUN! Help out. No touching people’s faces. Do not hurt people’s feelings. Chew with your mouth closed. No feet up at the table, sit nice! No toys at the table and no playing with your food. No playing ball in the house. Never walk away angry. A very cerebral expectation for young children I must say! And include everyone.”

Perhaps now I should mention that there may have been times that my own children wondered whether having an elementary school teacher for a mom was a blessing or a curse. That response likely depended on the situation or the day? And yes, my profession may have spilled off into family life just a little bit here and there but my intentions were always good! The truth is as parents we are always going to be our children’s first teachers and that is a very significant and fundamental role to play in their lives.

Don’t hide away your expectations. Make them know to your children and teach them everyday by setting a good example of behaviors yourself. An important part of every good teacher’s daily lesson plan is modeling and active participation. Classrooms are filled with learning prompts. No, you don’t need a visible list of rules at home, but encouraging our children and assisting them to recognize and exhibit good manners and behaviors should happen consistently during the formative years. Children learn from observing the people around them. It’s a vital part of the process. Eyes will be on you parents, so WALK the TALK and TALK the WALK daily.

Karen Boschee

Mom, Grandmother & Retired Teacher