Many Hands Can Make Less Work

This morning my oldest daughter helped my youngest daughter get dressed. Hugged and kissed her and sent her happily off to school just like a little mommy would! Then she said to me “You know I really like to do this.” That was a sudden halleluiah parenting moment for me written over 30 years ago when I realized all those days when my daughter had seemingly been in my way while I was dashing around the house trying to get everyone ready for work and school, I should have been letting her HELP MOM do some of the work that was causing me so much stress.

It can be easier, kinder and more productive to include rather that exclude your children from daily tasks in the home. Not to mention eliminating some of the many “No’s” in your life might actually ease the tension and make family days more pleasant for everyone. I admit I was and still often am a control freak and likely I was an intense bossy mom some days. But, I believed I was showing competence and leadership in that time and space. A common misassumption made by parents trying to do the best that they can, is that doing tasks yourself will be faster, better and easier. Sometimes this is true and necessary, but at other times your children may be missing out on valuable learning opportunities that will give them more confidence, incentive and skills that they will use to their advantage in the future.

Children learn by doing things. They will be expected to pitch in and help out at daycare and at school and years down the line they will need to function efficiently in a group, on a team ,at a workplace or in their own home. So why not start at a young age in your home? As a busy working mom I remember doing many of our domestic chores late into the evenings so that I could spend more precious quality time with my children. I have learned with age and observation that the definition of quality time can mean many different things. The key is doing things together.

Just this past week when my daughter, who is now herself a busy working mom, was Face Time visiting with me, and wanted to share one of her own young daughter’s favorite things to do in the kitchen with Mommy. I got quite a surprise. My granddaughter, still a toddler, was hovering over the pulled down dishwasher drawer, with reasonable care and supervision of course, helping to unload the dishwasher. Wow, I thought how cute, but also there’s the proof is in the pudding! Maybe there can be a better balance of mixing work and play together within the home. Encourage your children don’t discourage them. Practical experiences do pay off in the future. Teamwork is a good concept within a family, just as it is in so many other situations in life. Indeed many hands can make less work and more fun together, too!

Karen Boschee

Mom, Grandmother & Retired Teacher

Walk the Talk

Rules really are meant to be followed. That’s what one of my young daughters was reminding me of at the lunch table many years ago. “You don’t talk with your mouth full, Mom. We should put that up with the other rules in the kitchen cupboard.” Truth is our family did have a list of rules for good behavior pinned up on the inside of a cupboard door beside the sink. I must have not been showing perfect eating etiquette that day, but I was doing something right as a parent getting my kids to recognize what are appropriate behaviors in the world we live in.

We made up those rules together and we did read and review them occasionally throughout their childhood. The list eventually grew quite long and later on during the teen years we would chuckle and reminisce about their origins. My girls grew up and moved out of my home. But, the list remained there for years, a special reminder of times gone by for me each time I opened the cupboard, until home renovations and a new paint job put that old list into the memories box. I still chuckle when I come across them to this day 30 years later.

We learn from our mistakes and believe me we all made them on occasion but in our perfect world the house rules stated that you should: “Listen carefully. Talk with an inside voice. Be polite. No bugging people. Be nice. Help and cooperate. Be careful and play safe. No running, pushing, poking, hair pulling scratching, hitting, spitting, name calling, kicking or fighting! That one is a hilarious mouthful of don’ts followed by HAVE FUN! Help out. No touching people’s faces. Do not hurt people’s feelings. Chew with your mouth closed. No feet up at the table, sit nice! No toys at the table and no playing with your food. No playing ball in the house. Never walk away angry. A very cerebral expectation for young children I must say! And include everyone.”

Perhaps now I should mention that there may have been times that my own children wondered whether having an elementary school teacher for a mom was a blessing or a curse. That response likely depended on the situation or the day? And yes, my profession may have spilled off into family life just a little bit here and there but my intentions were always good! The truth is as parents we are always going to be our children’s first teachers and that is a very significant and fundamental role to play in their lives.

Don’t hide away your expectations. Make them know to your children and teach them everyday by setting a good example of behaviors yourself. An important part of every good teacher’s daily lesson plan is modeling and active participation. Classrooms are filled with learning prompts. No, you don’t need a visible list of rules at home, but encouraging our children and assisting them to recognize and exhibit good manners and behaviors should happen consistently during the formative years. Children learn from observing the people around them. It’s a vital part of the process. Eyes will be on you parents, so WALK the TALK and TALK the WALK daily.

Karen Boschee

Mom, Grandmother & Retired Teacher

Let’s Be Honest I Was Never Supermom!

I chuckle today staring at a growing assortment of clean laundry in the spare bedroom begging to be folded as I read my journal posting written 30 years ago. “Hey, Mom! Are we getting a babysitter tonight? Are we having company?” No, I reply….. Why? “Then why are you cleaning the bathroom? It’s not housecleaning day!” My middle child’s astute observation of my housekeeping habits. No, we don’t always wait until company is coming over to clean but dusting and vacuuming once per month is not an impossibility! And, please don’t remind me about the mountain of laundry found on the floor in Mom and Dad’s bedroom! Unfortunately, the cleaning doesn’t always get done as often as it use to now that I am back working full time.

Don’t kid yourself, children are very observant and insightful. Let’s be honest, I was never supermom but I did try hard to be the best mom I could be at the time juggling home life and a demanding work life, too.

Obviously, some of my habits have not changed but the passage of years and my own maturity has granted me the wisdom to say that “I’m only human and there are only so many hours in any given day.” Time and energy wears thin for us all. I still beat myself up sometimes when I don’t get something done. But, gradually I have learned to accept begrudgingly at times, that I need to slow down, smell the coffee and prioritize, because I need to be more gentle on myself as a woman. Trying to be everything to everyone all the time is exhausting no matter what stage of life you are living in.

We worry so much about the image that we are portraying as a parent and push ourselves to keep performing forgetting that sometimes good enough is truly enough. Life may never stop being demanding and busy so you need to learn to maintain your resiliency and prioritize. There will be countless more hours ahead to keep your house spotless but you will never get back the opportunity to experience those precious moments in time with your children. So, don’t miss the main event with your kids. Join the party because the laundry can wait!

Karen Boschee

Mom, Grandmother & Retired Teacher

There’s Going To Be Bumps Ahead!

Winter 1995, another sledding trip to the neighborhood toboggan hill. The kid’s love it here on a winter’s day. Scanning the scene being a vigilant conscientious mom I noticed a potential safety issue. Older neighborhood kids had built a huge bump into the hill that day so with every push I carefully steered my girls around that potential hazard.

Everything was going fine until I pushed two of my girls for what I thought would be a final safe ride down the hill before heading home. But, at the last second the sled caught an edge in the hill and veered right into danger and over that big bump! It was the thrill of the afternoon and quite a spill, too. Everyone was screaming and then laughing. One landed flat on her back giggling, the other got a big surprising bump on her bum but fortunately everyone was fine. It was the most excitement of the whole day and we couldn’t stop talking about that random moment in time for the rest of the day.

Those words were written 30 years ago in a journal of mine, a much younger mother then but they still ring true today. I realized then and still believe that some of the most memorable times in family life are those you plan the least for. They just happen. I remind myself often now to appreciate all those moments we spend together. The joyful faces and the happy smiles of my adult children still make me smile and laugh but I no longer can steer them down every hill although I still wish that I could. They have to navigate most of their own big bumps.

All too soon our kids need to learn to stay afloat without us. Hopefully, I instilled in them the knowledge and coping skills then that they would need to succeed in the future. Enjoy those precious spontaneous moments in time with your children. Learn to accept the unexpected. You will not always be in control.

Karen Boschee

Mom, Grandmother & Retired Teacher