Make New Friends

When I was young my dad used to say your lifelong friendships will fit on one hand. Not particularly positive advice for a youngster navigating the world around her and the people within it! But, later in life now myself, although not an accurate assessment of the quality of my friendships I have discovered that he was not far off the mark figuratively.

When I look back at old photos I see good friends that are no longer actively in my life. People that I went to school with, a roommate, a bridesmaid, working colleagues and family friends. Time and circumstance takes its toll and some people will come and go during your life. I didn’t always understand this and spent time unrealistically worrying about friendships.

Fortunately, I’ve gained perspective with age and I am learning to accept that it’s okay! People will enter into your life for many different reasons. What we gain from those relationships at that time is what’s most important not how long they last. When they are gone the fault often lies within what is beyond our control. As a parent, I wish that I could have shared that wisdom sooner with my own children while they grew up and experienced the drama and stress of seeking social acceptance and juggling friendships common during childhood and adolescence. Your worth will not be judged by how many lifelong friends you have but instead by the kind of friend you have been to others. You need to move on.

I had to make new friends when my family moved four times during my childhood. When I left home for school I met more people and some became close friends as did colleagues during my working career. Raising my own children brought new family friends into our fold through common associations. Then came another big change, retirement, which changed the dynamics of my circle of friends once again. Life happens!

The pandemic restrictions reminded us all that we are social creatures that need and value of human connection. The risks and consequences of isolation are very real and impact our mental health. We interact because we have a basic need to belong and because we fear and dread loneliness and rejection.

In retirement now I am frequently asked the question “Are you enjoying it?” My response not surprisingly is yes I am! I don’t miss the work but I do miss the people and the interactions and communications. That’s why we congregate in staffrooms, gather at coffee shops, visit with neighbors, sign up for classes and join book clubs, enjoy the camaraderie of sports, volunteer or perhaps seek out fellowship at church. That’s why some retirees choose to reenter the workforce. The craving for human experience and a feeling of purpose and self-worth prevails and is healthy. So we keep planting the seeds of new friendships.

My nostalgic mind recalls the old nursery rhyme from Girls Scout days chanted around many friendship circles. “Make new friends but keep the old. One is silver the the other one gold.” Good advice indeed because many of us relish the opportunity in life to meet new engaging people and strive to maintain long standing relationships. But, most of us don’t live in a Sweet Magnolia novel with the perfect scenario where childhood friends are still there at the beck and call with kind words and hugs propping us up as we make our way through the trials and tribulations of life. The grassroots of friendship comes from within so when you are able take the opportunity to nurture the old while you are cultivating new ones.

I am thankful that technology and social media has made staying in touch with people much easier than in years gone by. I’ve become more assertive with age and in retirement rediscovering old interests of mine has introduced me to new circles of friends. Putting myself out there and connecting makes me happy. Quality of life improves with social interaction. Different people may drift in and out throughout your life journey and that’s okay. Creating a sense community is good for our mental health. It turns out lifelong friendships are rare because they evolve. But, you can always make new friends!

Thank you for joining me.

Karen Boschee

Retired Teacher and Parent of 3 Adult Children