Routines are my thing. 365 days of the year I walk the dogs twice a day with rare exception just before lunch in the morning and after dinner in the evening. My family knows I am a creature of habit. For me predictability and familiarity equate to less stress and more enjoyment in life. Routines are my anchor. They give me support, stability and security.
I’ve always been a planner, a list maker and an organizer. I like structure. Sticky notes have long been a cluttering essential part of any workspace of mine. I’ve carried a mini agenda in my purse for years and a giant office style wall calendar has adorned the kitchen bulletin board for decades now with details of my family’s life story recorded and saved for future telling!
I’ve always asked too many questions and overpacked for trips. As a child my father gave me what I thought was an endearing nickname, “the one that knows.” I now understand his parental frustrations raising an obviously over curious and anxious youngster. The “what if” thoughts are still rarely not in the back of my mind. Like a good girl scout I have tried too always be resourceful and prepared.
Honestly, the prospect of a day without routines regardless of how wonderful it may turn out to be does create some discourse within. Others around me may scoff at it or ask why? My slightly obsessive-compulsive personality tendencies may be showing. I may have doubted my motives especially during my younger years but not anymore.
With age I have realized and accepted that we all have our own survival strategies and ways of coping with or compensating for whatever life has in store for us. As one of my daughters frequently says, “You do you, Mom.” Everyone copes with stress differently. Having routines helps you stay focused and organized. It keeps a sense of normalcy in your day. Sticking to routines for most people gives them comfort and deflects the stress they experience when encountering things in life that can’t be controlled. Sometimes we just think too much. Experts agree having routines is good for your mental health.
That doesn’t mean that I haven’t dreamed big on occasion, had adventures and accomplished things during my life. Looking back like most of us I have learned to function out of my comfort zone, but it has always been at the cost of my own mental health and well-being.
As parents we quickly learn that unpredictability and stress are an expected and unavoidable reality of the role. We strive for routines but sometimes they are elusive. Nevertheless, we learn that children need structure and consistency, so we soldier on. My chosen teaching profession was the right one for me. Workdays were very structured and ritualistic. We were ruled by the bell. But then there were the kids and just like parenting more unpredictability and stress always challenging those carefully laid plans.
Looking back twenty-five or so years with another busy holiday season ahead I was struggling to juggle my many roles as a wife, mother, daughter, sister, worker, colleague and friend. There were dance and music lessons, birthday parties and school concerts, sledding, skating and shopping. We were coordinating visits with grandparents, keeping correspondences up with other relatives and friends, attending parent teacher conferences while hosting my own the same week.
My relentless workdays were grueling and usually extended into the evenings after the kid’s bedtimes. With good intentions I was taking courses working toward my next degree. Still trying to sneak in some social and personal life. Sometimes relentless schedules can become exhausting and unforgiving. In hindsight I understand now even more clearly why routines at home were so important.
TGIF evenings at home watching favorite tv shows or movies on VHS tapes, Sunday night family dinners, pancakes on the weekend, take out Tuesday, puzzle time and game nights, homework around the dinner table, bedtime stories and of course walking the dog.
That’s why I was always the organizer, the planner, and the list maker. That’s why I was assertive and asked the tough questions. Routines and structure kept the family train running together on track and in the right direction They kept us close and connected. They were our anchor.
Retirement has allowed me to cut myself more slack, curb the push for productivity, lesson my rigidity, and slow down the pace! I’m kinder to myself. I don’t feel overwhelmed as often because I understand that life is full of the unexpected and plans don’t always go as planned. But, I still have my routines. Some are rooted in necessity, but most keep me grounded because they are important or near and dear to me. They make me feel good and they continue to help manage my stress. Like children we never stop needing structure and consistency in our lives.
At home we often chuckle at how much our dogs watch my routines for their own daily cues. As the saying goes “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” No need to change what is already working well. Routines are good for my mental health. I guess it must be time to walk the dogs! Routines work for me!
Thanks for joining me.
Karen Boschee
Retired Teacher / Parent of 3 adult children
Suggested reading: https://www.verywellmind.com/the-importance-of-keeping-a-routine-during-stressful-times/
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