Navigating

It’s a BIG world out there!  Our kids must learn to navigate through it on their own.  

Unfortunately stories of misguided or victimized youth seem to abound in society.  Parents are asking themselves “What if my child does not make good decisions in life?”   I first posted on this topic one year ago after twelve Thai soccer teammates followed their coach deep into an unsafe cave.  The recent heartbreaking overdose bullying incident of a teen boy in BC, that was posted to social media sites, makes me very sad and has rekindled my concerns about the environment that children are growing up in today.

What makes some children and young adult become influenced and led astray?  When faced with uncertainty, peer pressure and perhaps a charming or fascinating leader, what will they do?  What causes them to make poor choices despite all the good nurturing and teaching they have received.

As children grow up and experience life most parents observe that a son or daughter has a tendency towards being a leader or a follower.  They can actually be a mixture of both and these traits are influenced by both genetics and the environment.  Experts advice parents to not be judgmental towards either personality style because we need both leaders and followers in our families, schools, workplaces and communities.

Good followers support and help a leader when he or she is doing the right thing and have the courage to stand up to that leader when they are headed in the wrong direction or doing something that is not right.  Sometimes it will take the confidence, courage and conviction, learned early in life from nurturing parents, for children and teens to be able to say  “No”!  Ironically, these are also essential qualities of good leadership.

Embracing the team ethic of working together is very important.  Yet, at the same time paying attention, assessing the situation, thinking for themselves and communicating when a poor choice is being made is necessary and shows emerging independent critical thinking skills.

So, what can parents do?

Consider your own leadership style within your family and around your home.  As a significant role model in children’s lives parents need to model both good leadership and follower behaviors.  An overly dominant parent is not fostering assertiveness in their son or daughter.  A family that encourages teamwork is teaching vital life skills.

Teach your children to be observant and aware. Provide them with a variety of experiences so that they can learn and grow.  Show them how decisions are made and then let them practice, practice, practice!  Knowledgeable children who have had exposure to life situations and opportunities to solve problems when they are young will grow up to be better critical thinkers. 

Encourage healthy exploration and risk taking that will develop independence and build self-esteem.  Practicing invaluable life skills will increase a child’s self-confidence and teach them about integrity, responsibility and trust.  Children need to believe in their own abilities, thoughts, feelings, and opinions so that they will not just follow what others say or do.

Enduring relationships are so important.  Be patient and positive.  Stay connected and keep communicating with your child.  Ask lots of questions that get kids thinking on their own and allow you to stay informed about their school and social life.  Trust your instincts.  If you sense that something is wrong act and advocate for your child’s physical and mental well-being.

By accumulating experiences that promote good health, strength, independence and self-esteem children can develop gradually by increments the ability to understand the consequences of their choices and behaviors.  So when they are faced with new situations, uncertainty or peer pressure parents can feel more confident that their son or daughter will make appropriate and safe decisions as they navigate through this BIG world we live in.

Thank you for joining me.

Karen